Sunday, August 23, 2009

Jitters

It's the night before going back to work, from which seems like a long vacation. I last went to school back in June 24th, so it has been a whole month now.

Since then I have had time to reflect on my life here in Korea and my position as an English teacher. I have also spent time wondering and trying to figure out who it was that attended that meeting and why they concluded not to keep me for a second year. But as much as I try to wrap my brain around it I get no where. So I have decided to just let it go. Holding a grudge or trying desperately to figure it out will not get me far. I basically have decided that it was probably the Principal's decision and everyone else went along with it.

My coteacher has already given one recruiter a good recommendation, so I know that I am not screwed.

Therefore, I have just two more months left at this school. This has been my mantra lately. When I look at the bugs crawling around my bathroom wall I just think to myself, "two months" and you don't have to worry about them anymore. When I hear the beeping and restaurant music outside I just think, "two months" and something else will replace it.

And it also comes down to the kids. Who, unless my coteacher called their houses and told them, don't know I am leaving in two months. This is going to be the most heartbreaking. I have grown to love and get to know practically all 360 or so kids at my school. The ones I spend the most time with I know will break my heart when I see their reaction.

When I think about the kids I can't help but feel sorry for them. For it is these youngsters that have had to put up with going to a school that gets little funding. Their soccer field is merely a long patch of dirt. The Principal spent a good sum of money upgrading his office, while they sat freezing in the classroom during the winter. The kids are the ones, I feel, who are benefiting the least from a school environment that doesn't really care about them. It is not that I want to go on a crusade and fix Korea. Rather I don't want to add to these kids troubles. But now I am doing that, I feel, by leaving them. Yet, they are kids and they will forget about me in time.

Through all this I try to tell myself to be positive and optimistic. The school has already made their decision and what has been done is done. I want to go back in there and just be myself and teach for the kids. Not to please the coteacher or Principal, but to give the kids a fun time.

2 comments:

  1. maybe you'll find a new job that's way, waaaay cooler! In the meantime, enjoy the heck out of that last two months -- a farewell tour can be sweet...but finish strong, too: that momentum will carry over into your next place, wherever it is.

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