Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stay Calm

School is wrapping up the 1st semester and the kids vacation is on the horizon. So the students are a bit antsy to get out of school and live their childhood before Mom sends them to various hagwons.

As for me I am getting antsy too waiting for my vacation and my contract discussion time. Next week will be the summer camp bonanza at my school and my coteacher told me during that time she will prompt the contract decision to the Principal. But the actual meeting where we all decide probably won't happen till the end of August, when everyone returns from vacation.

It seems, though, that with the notion of my contract and my work performance up for scrutinizing I have become a bit paranoid. I think this is because at the hagwon I was told so many backwards things and they kept on contradicting themselves that I have grown to not trust my Korean counterparts with things like telling me the truth and knowing the real story.

Everyday it seems I go over in my head the conversation I wish to have with everyone when they ask me if I want to stay another year. It goes something like this:

Me: I won't sign the new contract unless you find me a new house.
Them: I'm sorry Joy, we can't find you a new house unless you sign the new contract.
Me: Well that is too bad because I have a hard time believing you will find a nicer new house after I sign.
Them: What do you mean?
Me: I mean that let's say I sign the new contract but then you come to me and say that there are no new houses available in the area and it can't meet the housing budget. What would happen to me? I would have to live somewhere unsuitable, right?
Them: (Quiet looks at each other)
Them: Okay we will see what we can do.

And then there will be a period of where I won't know what is going on. All in all I hope it goes more proactive than that. I mean they don't have to put the key money down on a new place before I sign, I just want to go look and see what will be available before I sign up for a whole year.

Unfortunately this is causing a lot of anxiety within me, which makes for an unpleasant coworker. I am trying my best to not let this crap take a hold of me so that I can continue to do the job at hand. But everyday I seem to show signs of my stress and I can tell its upsetting my coteacher.

For today, once more I am trying to trick my mind into thinking that I should just focus on the work needed to be done and that the contract stuff will happen when it happens.

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