Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Middle

Tomorrow I will be desk warming as there are no classes and nothing official to do. I have camp all planned and prepared for. It will be the day before I fly out to America. But I am sure I will find something productive to do (study Korean).

But today is feeling like this small yet monumental day. There was no teaching today but we still were in the office this morning. Today all the teachers were going on their trip to the East Sea, but I opted out of it because I needed to go to the bank and prepare for my trip. I know it is better to just bite the bullet and trudge along with all the teachers to these events, but I really didn't want to go. Yes I really did go to the bank and I am really preparing for my vacation.

So today as we were all getting ready to leave the office I said goodbye to them and wished them a happy summer vacation. This is because everyone but us (foreigners) will be in the office tomorrow. As I walked home I realized that today was the last day till camp that I had to be in the office with them. Actually, at camp I will be busy teaching and not all of them will be around. Mrs.K won't come around till the second week, and Mrs. W (middle teacher) plans on going home after 12 to take care of her daughter. That leaves a somewhat peaceful office, in my opinion. So it was that I then realized that things won't really be "normal" again till September when the next semester starts. And by then Mrs. K (the one I have the most conflicts with) will have moved on, since she was only hired half-time, and we will get the Dude coteacher instead.

I have been nervous lately that the Dude isn't coming and that Mr.s K is going to be here till the end. But I can't just outwardly ask this because I don't want to sound like I am counting down the days. So I am just hoping for no surprises.

With all these realizations I think my mind and body is understanding that the daily stress I put myself through is over.  Combine this with vacation starting on Friday it seems I am already in relax and chill mode.

Yet this got me thinking about my daily life here in Korea. I wondered why I spend so much time stressing about my relationships with my coteachers and my work life. I started to tell myself that from now on I should not care so much and try to just go with the flow. I have to admit that part of my stress is feeling paranoid at work. I become paranoid that they are talking negatively about me, in Korean and in the same room. In addition, I sometimes wonder what they are really thinking when I ask them questions or make requests. I seem to stress out a lot about all the gray areas due to cultural, language and personal barriers. Really I just want this to stop! I want to flow through my work day caring about the children and my duties more than the petty stuff. I know I have done it on some days but I want it to be constant.

Once September hits I will have 5 months left at this job, and I feel like I just want to make the most out of that time. What can I do if #2 coteacher disapproves and dislikes me? It won't be my goal to change her mind but to accept it and just try to be a less-paranoid insecure person in the office.

Here I am in the middle with the past 6 months at this job behind me and the next 6 months before me.

All right back to packing.

1 comment:

  1. My 2 cents is that this is the kind of post you best keep to your own personal private journaling...I don't get why you want to put this out for the whole wide world to read?!!


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