Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Stay or Go?

These first two days back at the job have been well - calm. I guess after any kind of torrential storm there is a calm wake afterwards.

This should make a good atmosphere for decision making but it really isn't. I feel because it is wise to give a 2 month notice at the start of a month that I have till the beginning of September to decide whether to stay or go.

But I feel I am torn between my decision to go or stay. So for your reading pleasure is a list of reasons to stay or go.

Stay:
  • Something can be said for those who stick something out and work on the problems they have in their current place.
  • My house: it is a nice size, pest free, the washer doubles as a dryer, has a nice view.
  • I do feel like I am welcomed at my school, except for the two coworkers I soured our relationship with.
  • My supervisors do care about me and want me to do well.
  • I am familiar with kids and teaching materials.
Go:
  • Choice would be a public school in Gyeonggi-do (not Seoul).
  • Area of choice would be about 10 minutes from Bo Kwan's house.
  • Schedule of 8:30 - 4:30 would allow me to have an actual afternoon - evening for play or relax time.
  • More vacation.
  • Will have to deal with the management and supervision that comes with a public school (good and bad?)
  • Japan Visa Run (get to spend a day in Japan)
  • New adventure
  • New set of coworkers to make friendlier relationships with.
  • New start
So as you can see I am caught between all this in my head. Some moments I want to leave the school and start anew. Another part of me feels I am just heading into a whole other bag of stress and hell.

The thing though that in life when you are faced with these kinds of decisions it is that you will never know the outcome. The only sure thing is that you need to know yourself.

I know that I am wobbling pile of jello under stress and worry, and that it effects the people close to me.

Sigh~

I just want to be sure of what is the right decision.

No matter which one I chose I have many things to work on and many things to learn. So it is to me that either way I am not really escaping just choosing a certain set of cards to deal with.

Let me just say that I do not regret my decision to come and teach here. Although difficult and that I am now going through this dilemma I feel it is somehow all part of the adventure. And also a part of becoming an adult.

Tomorrow when I go to work, although scared and nervous, I am going to say "Hi, how are you today?" to the coworkers who I had a spat with. Whether they take it sincerely or not, it is at least my attempt to start anew with them. The slate has been wiped clean and so I should consider not making it all bad again. Just for the sake of my own growing as a person.

Still though do I stay or do I go?

3 comments:

  1. You moved all the way to Korea and it's not worth it to be miserable. If you have a credible lead on a good public school job, go for it. This is your life and you deserve to have a positive work environment.

    Just my two cents... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks! So far no positive leads on a public school but I think I can still lead a happy life at my current school.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You know my thoughts Joy! Get away from that environment. I owe you an email, I'll get to it this weekend, or easier yet, I'll give you a call. =) Cynthia

    ReplyDelete

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