I now admit my stupidity for planning so much. Sure the result of having it all ready to go for every class is a great pleasure, but the work that goes into is not.
Not only have I been planning so much but worrying and stressing out as well. I seem to worry like it is a bad addictive habit and thus causes me to stress out.
What am I worrying about?
I worry that I could become a bad teacher/worker. In my other jobs I tended to slack off a lot and ended up disappointing my superiors. I always felt terrible for this and so I think in this job I am trying to do my best.
But now that I am doing all I can and working so hard, it seems my reward is that I am tired and stressed out.
So I need to let go. I know that now I can get by without planning everything in advance and can show up about an hour early each day and just plan for the day.
The intensive period schedule came out and I will be teaching 10 classes everyday. That does not please me and I am not looking forward to it. So all my planning for next month will pay off I think because I won't have time to prepare easily.
But after the intensive period...I am going to switch to just taking it easy.
~Waking up at 2am and stressing about work, is well not a favorite past time of mine.