Today I am writing this post but if things go grammatically wrong do forgive me. Work has been culminating into a pool of half good and half bad. The good half are the groups of children that function in the classrooom, and the bad half are the groups of children that are dysfunctional in the classroom. What has ended up happening is that the bad half drains the life out of me and makes me wish I wasn't a teacher.
The good half, on the other hand makes me feel warm inside when a toothless-girl smiles at me and we giggle together. This half makes me believe that I can transform the subject of "Math" and turn it into "Math English." I feel hopeful and full of life!
Yet when I get dragged down by the bad half I wonder what can I do? How can I manage them? How can I make it so that they are so engaged they won't end up being bad. Then I think how futile it is when one kid in the class has some kind of disorder and ends up being a nuisance. Like an infection his "wildness" spreads and distracts me and everyone. Trying to discipline the kid doesn't work well since he doesn't understand me or is just playing a game.
The bad half reminds me that the First grade in general is showing signs of many problems. It makes me wonder why communication is so poor. Makes me wish the Korean homeroom teachers took more action to help us or at least suggest things we could do. I end up feeling resentment and anger towards people I want to respect and have a good relationship with.
Today I am the middle of this whirlpool of self-pity and it feels like I can't get out of it. As much as I say to myself what I will do next time, I know there will always be these challenges. I don't want to care and think too much about it.
These are the challenges that my new job has presented me. Yes, I can say with all honesty that I would rather be here at this school than at my previous jobs (public school). I cling to the hope that I will get use to these situations and know how to handle them better.
I don't know how to end this post. "Finisheee"
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, July 9, 2010
Unsettling
Today came the news about whether or not my school would renew my coworkers contract. This is the other foreigner at my school. Let me just first state that we have become good friends and since we both have experienced our work place understand the deep problems. Throughout the year she has been saying over and over how she wants to stay at the school and hoped they would keep her. However after we got back from orientation the mood amongst our co teachers was cold and exclusive.
My coworker got the vibe that they weren't going to keep her, and since her contract ends in early October she became anxious to know the verdict.
Today they told her they would not renew her contract. The first reason she was told was because the Principal wants a male teacher. She seemed a bit upset at first but then buckled down and probably realized this school isn't the best anyways. She has a new boyfriend in Suwon and so now has the opportunity to live closer to him.
But we both recognized the changed feeling in the office and this decision of theirs validated our suspicions.
Yet then came the walk home after work where I learned there were deeper reasons to her non-renewal. She talked with Mrs. W (the middle coteacher.... not the oldest or the youngest) and what she was told doesn't really make sense. She was told that part of the reason they weren't renewing her was because how at the beginning (back in February) the office was uncomfortable and the environment not pleasant. What is strange is that the office wasn't like that because of my coworker it was because of me.
If you have been reading long enough you would know that I struggled with crap at the beginning of this job (in December) and then again when we got the new coteachers in February. Since the last great incident somewhere around March nothing bad has gone down. I became less sensitive to the things that bothered me and even found myself caring about Mrs. K (the older coteacher who I teach the most with). In my opinion, I felt like I was showing how I had changed and cared about the "group." That is why it comes as a surprise to hear they still hold this in their minds. But also more strange is that they attribute it to my coworker. Who actually has always been talkative and quite more friendly than me. Something tells me the Principal truly wants a male teacher and that also the coteachers just don't want us either.
The question is will they let me renew? From this evidence I believe their answer will be no. Renewing would mean that I can get extra vacation and not move or go through the hassle of finding a new job. For the most part I would only want to stay at this job because I love the house. However, I can feel myself saying that is a bad reason to stay at a school. To be honest I would rather work somewhere with a dedicated English department that has an English classroom. And I think I need to go back to just having one coteacher.
As I walked home today and around town I realized that I need to personally make my own decision on this job, whether they renew me or not. I came to the affirmation that I personally will not renew with this school. I will plan my mind and life on the reality that come December I need to move out and make my next move.
There are actually some positive things to this prospective future. Here they are:
All in all, inside I am fuming from all this secretive nonsense going on underneath the surface. Sure it doesn't surprise me that they don't tell us anything. But I end up feeling like a cheap thing. Yea I know I pissed them off several months ago but I have done my darnedest to accept the cultural differences and even let many things slip away.
So right now I am dealing with that anger, and I know I can't show it at work. I want to leave on good neutral terms so that the next school will accept me. It feels like a really hard thing to bury your inner nature, but that is what I am doing.
Yes I want to confront them and talk to them about my job position and future. Yet I fear they will dig up the past and I don't want to go there.
My final thoughts are that I still can't believe how I (the foreigner) try my best to understand and accept Korean culture. But that my Korean colleagues show little to no effort in accepting or understanding my culture or who I am. And instead use the differences as punishments towards my character and person. My coworker shares the same sentiments.
There is some faith in me, however, that there is a right place for me here in Korea. From now on that is what I am going to look for.
My coworker got the vibe that they weren't going to keep her, and since her contract ends in early October she became anxious to know the verdict.
Today they told her they would not renew her contract. The first reason she was told was because the Principal wants a male teacher. She seemed a bit upset at first but then buckled down and probably realized this school isn't the best anyways. She has a new boyfriend in Suwon and so now has the opportunity to live closer to him.
But we both recognized the changed feeling in the office and this decision of theirs validated our suspicions.
Yet then came the walk home after work where I learned there were deeper reasons to her non-renewal. She talked with Mrs. W (the middle coteacher.... not the oldest or the youngest) and what she was told doesn't really make sense. She was told that part of the reason they weren't renewing her was because how at the beginning (back in February) the office was uncomfortable and the environment not pleasant. What is strange is that the office wasn't like that because of my coworker it was because of me.
If you have been reading long enough you would know that I struggled with crap at the beginning of this job (in December) and then again when we got the new coteachers in February. Since the last great incident somewhere around March nothing bad has gone down. I became less sensitive to the things that bothered me and even found myself caring about Mrs. K (the older coteacher who I teach the most with). In my opinion, I felt like I was showing how I had changed and cared about the "group." That is why it comes as a surprise to hear they still hold this in their minds. But also more strange is that they attribute it to my coworker. Who actually has always been talkative and quite more friendly than me. Something tells me the Principal truly wants a male teacher and that also the coteachers just don't want us either.
The question is will they let me renew? From this evidence I believe their answer will be no. Renewing would mean that I can get extra vacation and not move or go through the hassle of finding a new job. For the most part I would only want to stay at this job because I love the house. However, I can feel myself saying that is a bad reason to stay at a school. To be honest I would rather work somewhere with a dedicated English department that has an English classroom. And I think I need to go back to just having one coteacher.
As I walked home today and around town I realized that I need to personally make my own decision on this job, whether they renew me or not. I came to the affirmation that I personally will not renew with this school. I will plan my mind and life on the reality that come December I need to move out and make my next move.
There are actually some positive things to this prospective future. Here they are:
- Finishing the contract rewards me with a free flight home.
- I could use the flight home to go home. ;)
- I would go home (California) and stay from December - January. Resting and being with family.
- I would come back to Korea at the end of January and either live in Goshiwon or stay at a friends. Meanwhile looking for a new job.
- While I am in America resting, JH could come out and visit me. So it would make things very flexible.
All in all, inside I am fuming from all this secretive nonsense going on underneath the surface. Sure it doesn't surprise me that they don't tell us anything. But I end up feeling like a cheap thing. Yea I know I pissed them off several months ago but I have done my darnedest to accept the cultural differences and even let many things slip away.
So right now I am dealing with that anger, and I know I can't show it at work. I want to leave on good neutral terms so that the next school will accept me. It feels like a really hard thing to bury your inner nature, but that is what I am doing.
Yes I want to confront them and talk to them about my job position and future. Yet I fear they will dig up the past and I don't want to go there.
My final thoughts are that I still can't believe how I (the foreigner) try my best to understand and accept Korean culture. But that my Korean colleagues show little to no effort in accepting or understanding my culture or who I am. And instead use the differences as punishments towards my character and person. My coworker shares the same sentiments.
There is some faith in me, however, that there is a right place for me here in Korea. From now on that is what I am going to look for.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Things I Can't Get Mad About
How do you deal with work related stress? I for one have had days where I deal with it in a very nonconstructive way and I end up making myself look bad.
Since my new coteacher is a no nonsense kind of lady, who for example gets upset when I do anything not in line with the Korean way. For example: She wonders why I ask her "Why should I sign this?" when she puts a document in front of me and just says, "This is for the school, sign this." It is my impression that the Korean way is to just sign it and don't ask why. Since the document is in Korean and she gives no verbal explanation I usually always ask what it is it for. Turns out this ticks her off.
Needless to say things get frustrating at work when little nuances like that build up. This time around I want to find ways to release my stress and understand my anger to prevent it from blowing up.
I decided that I would make a list of the things I can't get mad about here at work. The reason for the title is because if I do get mad about them then I usually end up with a hot temper and the inability to see clearly. I figured if I were to write a list I could study these things and figure out ways to overcome them peacefully.
In addition, I also added a list of things to appreciate, so to have a certain kind of positive perspective on it all.
I just finished writing the lists and will post them below. Some of the things will be obvious pet peeves while others are occurrences I need to work on.
Here we go:
Since my new coteacher is a no nonsense kind of lady, who for example gets upset when I do anything not in line with the Korean way. For example: She wonders why I ask her "Why should I sign this?" when she puts a document in front of me and just says, "This is for the school, sign this." It is my impression that the Korean way is to just sign it and don't ask why. Since the document is in Korean and she gives no verbal explanation I usually always ask what it is it for. Turns out this ticks her off.
Needless to say things get frustrating at work when little nuances like that build up. This time around I want to find ways to release my stress and understand my anger to prevent it from blowing up.
I decided that I would make a list of the things I can't get mad about here at work. The reason for the title is because if I do get mad about them then I usually end up with a hot temper and the inability to see clearly. I figured if I were to write a list I could study these things and figure out ways to overcome them peacefully.
In addition, I also added a list of things to appreciate, so to have a certain kind of positive perspective on it all.
I just finished writing the lists and will post them below. Some of the things will be obvious pet peeves while others are occurrences I need to work on.
Here we go:
Things I Can’t Get Mad About:
1. Being an English Puppet: Not having control of the class and just saying the expressions. Doing whatever they tell me to do no matter my opinion or experience.
2. Being told my prepared materials are not low level enough.
3. Being treated like I am a little girl.
4. People constantly asking me if I can eat Korean food even though they know I have lived here nearly 2 years. People bugging me about my food selection choices at lunch time.
5. Not having my opinion fully understood or listened to.
6. Working hard but having all my faults be scrutinized and not balanced out towards all the good I do.
7. Ms. Y not communicating at all to me about the classes we teach. Her getting upset when I make a mistake in class because she didn’t tell me about their level or experience. Ms. Y ignoring my presence.
8. Not being told ahead of time of event changes or occurrences. Not being told about anything going on in school and the English department.
9. Being told to teach in “Fun and Active” way by the Principal but realizing it’s incredibly difficult with such coteachers who are not “fun and active” themselves.
10. Caring too much about the job.
11. Communication being difficult. I want to express my ideas but know that they will get shot down. I want to express my opinions about certain matters but know that they will not be heard.
12. Having to deal with everything on our own since there is a lack in consulting between the Korean co teacher and native teacher.
13. Knowing the children are bored in class but feeling powerless to change that.
14. Knowing that there are better and more effective ways of teaching English to Korean children but having my ideas rejected and not even tried out.
Things to appreciate:
1. I haven’t been fired for being a sensitive over reactive person.
2. I get paid to be an English puppet.
3. Within the limits I can find ways to have fun with the children.
4. Having fun with the children.
5. Having hope.
6. My house is free.
7. I have health insurance.
8. Whenever I happen to be able to teach most of the class or help more.
9. Random days off or being randomly let home early.
10. Knowing the students learn something new in English and because I helped them.
11. Anytime my co teachers and I communicate well.
11. Anytime my co teachers and I communicate well.
I really wish I had more positive ones up there. I wanted to say something about success in my relationships with my colleagues but didn't know how to word it.
Looking back on the list I realize not all of them make me get so hot and bothered. I suppose the real issues lie in my personal feelings about everything and whether or not I am adult enough to handle it.
Looking back on the list I realize not all of them make me get so hot and bothered. I suppose the real issues lie in my personal feelings about everything and whether or not I am adult enough to handle it.
What do you do to handle work related stress? Thanks!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Really What Do I Do?
I had another argumentative talk with my coteacher today. I tried to tell her that the kids tell me they are bored in class (which is true) and that they want to learn from games and fun things. Not to listen and repeat and memorize something.
But she just went on and on about how she perceives English should be taught. She says she loves the children. I asked "Do you think I don't love them?"
Things got cut off without a resolution. The only conclusion I made was to give up and stop fighting it. Stop trying to defend the "foreigner" teacher diposition. Do what she says...
I don't know if she will be the same teacher next semester. I want to quit having these arguments so I guess I should try to understand her and the Korean way of doing and thinking harder.
It makes me want to give up teaching English. All I really want is for my point of view to be heard, and comprehended. Not shut down and then lectured on the "right" way. I get it...the kids levels are low so we need to make the materials for that. But what about my experience and the different teaching methods I saw at my old school? (We went around to other schools and had lesson demos). I took the TEFL course and understand the lessons should be planned according to their level and cultural make up. But that they also should include diverse materials to break up things.
All in all, we just end up arguing with each other because I refuse to agree with her. I refuse to follow her like a robot and instead try to explain to her my ideas and reasons behind the materials I planned out. But no... it's useless.
I feel so dumb. :(
But she just went on and on about how she perceives English should be taught. She says she loves the children. I asked "Do you think I don't love them?"
Things got cut off without a resolution. The only conclusion I made was to give up and stop fighting it. Stop trying to defend the "foreigner" teacher diposition. Do what she says...
I don't know if she will be the same teacher next semester. I want to quit having these arguments so I guess I should try to understand her and the Korean way of doing and thinking harder.
It makes me want to give up teaching English. All I really want is for my point of view to be heard, and comprehended. Not shut down and then lectured on the "right" way. I get it...the kids levels are low so we need to make the materials for that. But what about my experience and the different teaching methods I saw at my old school? (We went around to other schools and had lesson demos). I took the TEFL course and understand the lessons should be planned according to their level and cultural make up. But that they also should include diverse materials to break up things.
All in all, we just end up arguing with each other because I refuse to agree with her. I refuse to follow her like a robot and instead try to explain to her my ideas and reasons behind the materials I planned out. But no... it's useless.
I feel so dumb. :(
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Readjustments
Public schools are not free of stress or frustrations. In comparison to hagwons I think the job itself is a whole lot different. Sure you are teaching English to kids but the goals of your superiors are different.
What I am talking about really here is how one's idea of how and what to teach often times is very different from the opinions of your coteacher. This is a good example of eastern thought clashing with western thought.
At my last school the mix was like water and oil, meaning we didn't get along. I gave up really and focused on the advanced class, which I was left to my own design. Now at my new school when I try to explain my opinion of why I want to teach selected materials I seem to get a lot of criticism.
Recruiters like to tell you that every public school is the same, and I think they are making this assumption based on the fact that at every elementary school the curriculum is the same. But not every public school is equal.
It comes down to their interpretation of how English should be taught, and there is no changing it. I guess that I still haven't adjusted well to the Korean education system since I find myself up against a wall this time.
Here's the situation:
Winter camp is next month and so all the preparations need to be squared away. I have experience teaching 4 camp sessions, so I know what it is like. Or I think I know...
I will teach 4th and 6th graders while the other foreign teacher will teach 3rd and 5th grades. We will both teach the same subjects such as "World Culture" and "Sports Day."
The situation I walked into was that the previous teachers made a plan for winter camp but it was very lean and needed more. So I added more to it using stuff from last year.
The problem came today when my coteacher checked it and made the remark that my materials were too difficult for 3rd and 4th grades. There were a few worksheets with sentences and maps on it. I didn't make the material but was borrowing it.
Immediately I tried to explain to her that it doesn't matter what material you use as long as the teacher adjusts the way they teach. Meaning I was handed these same materials last year and said "Go~". So I learned to adjust myself to the students and not adjust the materials. This is a teaching method and philosophy I picked up from experience. Last year at mountain winter camp I used the same materials for the lower grades and it came out fine. They spoke, had fun and learned a thing or two.
But she frowned and said "No." At that point I did the thing that I should not be doing anymore, which is I got upset and took it personally. You would think I have learned by now.
Needless to say I tried to defend my understanding of how to be a teacher. Yet she stood her ground with what she thinks how English should be taught.
In the end, you have to yield to what they want. You are in Korea and it is their court. Logically you would think that they would try to understand where you are coming from but it is more that they want you to adjust to their ways.
So as you can see I need to readjust myself and create an image that they will be pleased with.
How to make this a positive experience:
It is my opinion that I need to stop thinking that they will someday understand it all from my perspective.
I have the choice of just giving up and becoming a non-creative and robotic teacher who doesn't care anymore. Or I could adjust to their ideals, yet find a way to be creative and still teach the "Joy" way.
In other words I understand where my coteacher is coming from. She demands that English be taught to the children with the goal that they speak. So speaking is a priority of theirs. That means my lessons should cater towards speaking as an objective.
They want to teach by talking slowly and clearly, as she put it "This is the most important thing." At first it was a little insulting to hear her ask this of me since I already do this. But I guess she wants to make sure.
An Example of Teaching Differences:
I made the mistake this week of giving out to my 2nd graders "The Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" song lyrics with Korean next to it. My coteacher and the Korean 2nd grade teachers complained it was too hard for their students.
From my point of view I wanted to teach them the festive holiday song that was accompanied by a fun video. At my old school a similar method was used to learn a song. First you read the words and get use to them. Then you sing the song over and over till you know it.
My coteacher told me that it was too hard for them and suggested instead to focus on teaching them only a few sentences. And to repeat it over and over again. Not from the song, cut that out, but teach them a sentence like "The reindeer is brown" and make a lesson out of that. (You can do it like this: The____ is _____)
Initially, after hearing this I felt as if she wanted me to just be some kind of English Robot babysitter. Then I have thought about it some more and realized that her method is valid.
They are English Foreign Language students and should learn in a simple and easy format. This doesn't mean that my lessons have to be boring or that I as the teacher will end up looking like an English robot. It means I can make fun games and activities to help them reinforce those one sentences they are learning.
Readjustment Realization:
What I am trying to point out here is that I need to change and not them. As a westerner and independent woman this is something that is very hard.
But I know what happens when you don't adjust to what they want, and I don't want that to happen again. I want my coteacher to see me as useful, smart and a darn good teacher.
And so I started to think some more and realized that teaching is not only about relating content and how to say English words, but it involves catering to Multiple Intelligences.
I know they want me to plan for their level, but what about their intelligence? For example, some students may respond well to listen and repeat. While other students need more hands on activities like a craft or role play game.
What I wish I could do is talk to my coteacher about this teaching method and have a lovely conversation. But I am learning now that my coteacher is an older stubborn woman set in her ways. I respect that and so understand there is no point trying to shake up her roots.
Instead I will just plan my classes to teach them to speak a certain phrase or words but use materials and methods that will cater to different intelligences, without her really knowing that is what I am doing.
I feel like I am the only teacher out here who takes their job too seriously (but who knows). Wish I could be the teacher who just goes through it all without really caring and then hitting the bars in the evening. But unfortunately my nature won't let me do that. Yet I am sure I could try to take it a little less seriously~
Well I feel good for getting that out. My other foreign coworker talked to me on the way home about how she is dealing with the same things. I have to say I was skeptical about our relationship at first but now I am seeing that we have a lot in common. I hope we help each other out more ;)
What I am talking about really here is how one's idea of how and what to teach often times is very different from the opinions of your coteacher. This is a good example of eastern thought clashing with western thought.
At my last school the mix was like water and oil, meaning we didn't get along. I gave up really and focused on the advanced class, which I was left to my own design. Now at my new school when I try to explain my opinion of why I want to teach selected materials I seem to get a lot of criticism.
Recruiters like to tell you that every public school is the same, and I think they are making this assumption based on the fact that at every elementary school the curriculum is the same. But not every public school is equal.
It comes down to their interpretation of how English should be taught, and there is no changing it. I guess that I still haven't adjusted well to the Korean education system since I find myself up against a wall this time.
Here's the situation:
Winter camp is next month and so all the preparations need to be squared away. I have experience teaching 4 camp sessions, so I know what it is like. Or I think I know...
I will teach 4th and 6th graders while the other foreign teacher will teach 3rd and 5th grades. We will both teach the same subjects such as "World Culture" and "Sports Day."
The situation I walked into was that the previous teachers made a plan for winter camp but it was very lean and needed more. So I added more to it using stuff from last year.
The problem came today when my coteacher checked it and made the remark that my materials were too difficult for 3rd and 4th grades. There were a few worksheets with sentences and maps on it. I didn't make the material but was borrowing it.
Immediately I tried to explain to her that it doesn't matter what material you use as long as the teacher adjusts the way they teach. Meaning I was handed these same materials last year and said "Go~". So I learned to adjust myself to the students and not adjust the materials. This is a teaching method and philosophy I picked up from experience. Last year at mountain winter camp I used the same materials for the lower grades and it came out fine. They spoke, had fun and learned a thing or two.
But she frowned and said "No." At that point I did the thing that I should not be doing anymore, which is I got upset and took it personally. You would think I have learned by now.
Needless to say I tried to defend my understanding of how to be a teacher. Yet she stood her ground with what she thinks how English should be taught.
In the end, you have to yield to what they want. You are in Korea and it is their court. Logically you would think that they would try to understand where you are coming from but it is more that they want you to adjust to their ways.
So as you can see I need to readjust myself and create an image that they will be pleased with.
How to make this a positive experience:
It is my opinion that I need to stop thinking that they will someday understand it all from my perspective.
I have the choice of just giving up and becoming a non-creative and robotic teacher who doesn't care anymore. Or I could adjust to their ideals, yet find a way to be creative and still teach the "Joy" way.
In other words I understand where my coteacher is coming from. She demands that English be taught to the children with the goal that they speak. So speaking is a priority of theirs. That means my lessons should cater towards speaking as an objective.
They want to teach by talking slowly and clearly, as she put it "This is the most important thing." At first it was a little insulting to hear her ask this of me since I already do this. But I guess she wants to make sure.
An Example of Teaching Differences:
I made the mistake this week of giving out to my 2nd graders "The Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" song lyrics with Korean next to it. My coteacher and the Korean 2nd grade teachers complained it was too hard for their students.
From my point of view I wanted to teach them the festive holiday song that was accompanied by a fun video. At my old school a similar method was used to learn a song. First you read the words and get use to them. Then you sing the song over and over till you know it.
My coteacher told me that it was too hard for them and suggested instead to focus on teaching them only a few sentences. And to repeat it over and over again. Not from the song, cut that out, but teach them a sentence like "The reindeer is brown" and make a lesson out of that. (You can do it like this: The____ is _____)
Initially, after hearing this I felt as if she wanted me to just be some kind of English Robot babysitter. Then I have thought about it some more and realized that her method is valid.
They are English Foreign Language students and should learn in a simple and easy format. This doesn't mean that my lessons have to be boring or that I as the teacher will end up looking like an English robot. It means I can make fun games and activities to help them reinforce those one sentences they are learning.
Readjustment Realization:
What I am trying to point out here is that I need to change and not them. As a westerner and independent woman this is something that is very hard.
But I know what happens when you don't adjust to what they want, and I don't want that to happen again. I want my coteacher to see me as useful, smart and a darn good teacher.
And so I started to think some more and realized that teaching is not only about relating content and how to say English words, but it involves catering to Multiple Intelligences.
I know they want me to plan for their level, but what about their intelligence? For example, some students may respond well to listen and repeat. While other students need more hands on activities like a craft or role play game.
What I wish I could do is talk to my coteacher about this teaching method and have a lovely conversation. But I am learning now that my coteacher is an older stubborn woman set in her ways. I respect that and so understand there is no point trying to shake up her roots.
Instead I will just plan my classes to teach them to speak a certain phrase or words but use materials and methods that will cater to different intelligences, without her really knowing that is what I am doing.
I feel like I am the only teacher out here who takes their job too seriously (but who knows). Wish I could be the teacher who just goes through it all without really caring and then hitting the bars in the evening. But unfortunately my nature won't let me do that. Yet I am sure I could try to take it a little less seriously~
Well I feel good for getting that out. My other foreign coworker talked to me on the way home about how she is dealing with the same things. I have to say I was skeptical about our relationship at first but now I am seeing that we have a lot in common. I hope we help each other out more ;)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Chuseok Doesn't Suck
It's time for Chuseok again, which is Korea's version of "Thanksgiving." Last year I went with my ex to his family celebration in the mountain. It was a great experience and I learned a lot about the holiday.
This year I won't be doing anything similar since JH is out of town and he said his family doesn't really do anything.
But I have other plans lined up. In general it is nice to have a break from work and sort out my plans for a new job and moving. For many who work at a hagwon this is one of the few breaks they will be getting. So let's just say that Chuseok doesn't suck! The weather is nice and if you figure out where to go you can catch a few festivities going on. Either way the country is in a festive spirit. If you wanted to you could buy yourself a gift set from Emart with large bottles of shampoo, 3 bars of soap and other stuff for just 18,000 Won! For these are good times to be had.
As for getting around Korea bet on being in a car will be a hassle. But taking the train shouldn't be a problem.
Make sure you get your shopping done as Emart and other such stores will be closed for either 2 or 3 days, so hurry up and buy that gift set now.
This website lists which places are generally open and closed during this time of year so check it out.
Don't be surprised if your neighborhood is quieter than usual. If mine gets quiet I think it will be a grateful few days from the usual crap I have to hear outside my window. (List: Restaurants at the bottom with yelling Ahjusshies, parking garage beeping, other restaurant music blaring, car audio shop and general car noise)
Yes I can say I am delighted in knowing there are just 30 more days till I am out of my sh*thole.
I am! Even if it means I have no place to live but couch surf or find a goshiwon (small housing meant for students away from home).
Okay well Happy Chuseok people!
This year I won't be doing anything similar since JH is out of town and he said his family doesn't really do anything.
But I have other plans lined up. In general it is nice to have a break from work and sort out my plans for a new job and moving. For many who work at a hagwon this is one of the few breaks they will be getting. So let's just say that Chuseok doesn't suck! The weather is nice and if you figure out where to go you can catch a few festivities going on. Either way the country is in a festive spirit. If you wanted to you could buy yourself a gift set from Emart with large bottles of shampoo, 3 bars of soap and other stuff for just 18,000 Won! For these are good times to be had.
As for getting around Korea bet on being in a car will be a hassle. But taking the train shouldn't be a problem.
Make sure you get your shopping done as Emart and other such stores will be closed for either 2 or 3 days, so hurry up and buy that gift set now.
This website lists which places are generally open and closed during this time of year so check it out.
Don't be surprised if your neighborhood is quieter than usual. If mine gets quiet I think it will be a grateful few days from the usual crap I have to hear outside my window. (List: Restaurants at the bottom with yelling Ahjusshies, parking garage beeping, other restaurant music blaring, car audio shop and general car noise)
Yes I can say I am delighted in knowing there are just 30 more days till I am out of my sh*thole.
I am! Even if it means I have no place to live but couch surf or find a goshiwon (small housing meant for students away from home).
Okay well Happy Chuseok people!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
SMOE Teachers Axed
A lot of crap recently went down with 100 SMOE (Seoul public school) teachers being axed before coming here. Due to SMOE overbooking.
I just wanted to add my two cents here on my blog in response to Brian's posts.
I just wanted to add my two cents here on my blog in response to Brian's posts.
I too agree that public school work is still better than hagwon work. Yes they screwed up this time. But those who did get through and work at the school's will still have more job security than at a hagwon.
I too work with GEPIK and am now working on finding a new school within the system. I think if you go the route of not putting yourself on the lottery system, which is SMOE and look for a school yourself then you have a better shot of getting off on the right foot.
In my opinion I don't think SMOE will make this mistake again. I think they have learned from this. Also I believe they are probably working on rearranging and reforming the program to fit the flux of new candidates due to the high unemployment rate in America.
I would advise those who plan on going with SMOE for the Spring term to have a 2nd or 3rd option on the table and work with recruiters who speak honestly with you. Talk to them about this situation and what their plan would be if it were to take place again.
And if you do get screwed and were planning on coming out here anyways..you could come on a tourist visa and find a job here in person. You could live up to 90 days on a tourist visa.
All in all, any person thinking of coming to Korea should realize and accept the fact the workforce functions differently out here and unexpected things happen all the time. And most of it doesn't make sense and most of it doesn't reflect what is written in a contract.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
We're Not Going to Take It!
The expat community is buzzing with the recent Yonhap piece. Basically Korean media tend to write about us expats in way that is alarming. Making us look like drugged up idiots. I have to say that there are probably a few teachers out there who do fit that profile. But to make them the front news of our image is preposterous.
I came here to do my job and do it well. Sure I don't have any teaching credentials or billions of hours spent in a classroom (yet) but I take my job seriously.
Let's do something about this!! Because we're not going to take it anymore.
Write to the Yonhap news yourself and give them the bitter fist.
I came here to do my job and do it well. Sure I don't have any teaching credentials or billions of hours spent in a classroom (yet) but I take my job seriously.
An English teacher named Choi who works at a high school in Jeollanam-do said, “they don’t know the basic purpose of education. During lesson song times they just sing songs over and over, 10 or 20 times. I totally fail to see how you can learn English through pop songs.”And I totally fail to see how Koreans practically never try for a moment to see it all from our perspective.
Let's do something about this!! Because we're not going to take it anymore.
Write to the Yonhap news yourself and give them the bitter fist.
1. Want to send an angry email to the reporter? Use this. Be sure to CC the Yonhap ombudsman.
My other suggestion would be to talk to your coworkes and coteachers and let them know about yourself and experience here in Korea. Expose to them that you have a large group of friends that are decent people. What the heck even invite them to a foreigner gathering.
Despite how on some days I can be in a crappy mood (see previous post) I try to talk to my coteacher about what it is like to be a foreigner.
It is about spreading an awareness that we are not the image that the Korean media portrays us as. And I think that means portraying ourselves as decent people when out in public. Remember you may not think about this but your image and actions are seen by the Korean public and they take those memories with them when they read an article like Yonhap news. ... anyways...
Fighting!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Challenges
Sometimes you find yourself in a hard place, even though life is seemingly harmless.
The situation at my house has degraded. I got use to living in a small box with music blaring from the restaurant outside. It helped that a few people in the building complained about the music enough that they now keep it down more. And when the weather warmed up and the restaurants down below started serving food outside I got use to the smell of roasted pig flesh.
But I am having trouble getting use to this new development. That would be beeping.
Beep beep beep beep beep .....until finally it stops.
On one side of the area outside is a parking garage and when cars enter and exit the building a red light flashes and a beeping sound is emitted. But because the process of having the car enter and exit the garage takes a freaking long time I get to hear that beeping almost constantly now.
There are a few things I have done during my time at home to help myself from hearing it.
It builds up rage inside of you that you can't find an outlet to vent at, mostly because that would be in the privacy of your own home...but it is my home that sucks.
So my coteacher sensed my fowl mood today and tried to enquire as to why. But I responded coldly. She knows I hate my house and that I have spite towards my old coteacher who found me the hell hole. (And she still works at our school)
I am waiting till the day I move out of this place and more so waiting till the time I get to go look for a better place to live. If that means a different location with different people then so be it!
I just hope that no other new developments come along before my time is up in my home.
Four more months!!
The situation at my house has degraded. I got use to living in a small box with music blaring from the restaurant outside. It helped that a few people in the building complained about the music enough that they now keep it down more. And when the weather warmed up and the restaurants down below started serving food outside I got use to the smell of roasted pig flesh.
But I am having trouble getting use to this new development. That would be beeping.
Beep beep beep beep beep .....until finally it stops.
On one side of the area outside is a parking garage and when cars enter and exit the building a red light flashes and a beeping sound is emitted. But because the process of having the car enter and exit the garage takes a freaking long time I get to hear that beeping almost constantly now.
There are a few things I have done during my time at home to help myself from hearing it.
- Listen to Jazz music (for some reason this really helps me not hear the beeping pattern)
- Watch a movie (but the quiet slow moments can make hearing the beeping occur)
- Close the window (If done then I need to turn on the Air-con, which equals money)
- Close the window and turn on the air con (helps alleviate the beeping sound)
- Close the window, air-con on, earplugs in. (Works! But my brain somehow repeats the beeping pattern in my head and I have to tell myself no!)
It builds up rage inside of you that you can't find an outlet to vent at, mostly because that would be in the privacy of your own home...but it is my home that sucks.
So my coteacher sensed my fowl mood today and tried to enquire as to why. But I responded coldly. She knows I hate my house and that I have spite towards my old coteacher who found me the hell hole. (And she still works at our school)
I am waiting till the day I move out of this place and more so waiting till the time I get to go look for a better place to live. If that means a different location with different people then so be it!
I just hope that no other new developments come along before my time is up in my home.
Four more months!!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Joe's 2 Cents
Joe over at Zen Kimchi has his own 2 cents on this matter.
Just what is going on?
Really I don't get why people just can't get their heads around the fact that we as expats and migrant workers need to be more organized.
Ah well~
Just what is going on?
Really I don't get why people just can't get their heads around the fact that we as expats and migrant workers need to be more organized.
Ah well~
Monday, May 11, 2009
It's Time to Clean Up Our Act
Poor Rob is like the lone soldier fighting for the truth. Apparently there has been a lot of bashing of ATEK on Dave's ESL lately. And so after reading Rob's digestion of that I had my own 2 cents to add.
Here is my own response to this dynamic situation: Including spelling and grammar issues
Slap ... kick....BAM!@!!
Here is my own response to this dynamic situation: Including spelling and grammar issues
Rob,
This is disheartening to hear. But it reflects how most of our expat sentiments are discussed and dealt with here in Korea. And that is on Dave's ESL.
Before I came to Korea I thought that as an expat we would all find ourselves as one group and keep ourselves safe. But it really didn't turn out that way. Sure I am friends with you and you help me out.
But I am talking about the expat collective.
In America, I believe, expat Koreans and Asian nationals get together within their national group to form a community. You know how there is Chinatown, Korea town..etc. Well I think it is not just because they want to sell cheap trinkets on the roadside. It is because they come together to form a community. The help each other with housing and legal issues.
I thought as an expat coming to Korea I would find a similar "community" feeling. But unfortunately it is not true. Instead I think most expats get to know certain people within their school and group and consider that as enough. They get screwed in one way or another and immediately brand their life in Korea as horrible. This affects their outlook on life and gets spilled over to small talk, which gets passed around and before you know it groups like ATEK are branded as the enemy. When in fact they are trying to be our superhero.
What also happens here is that people build up their lives here as if they are their own superhero. They survived crap and got out of on their own without anyone else's help. Now some group is coming along and it promises to be their umbrella.
Fortunately for ATEK there are still a number of expats that could benefit from their program. In fact we all could.
We just need to realize and rethink our positions here in Korea.
Whether you are married to a Korean, not a teacher or a teacher we all come from the same background. And that is that we are expats. We weren't born in this country. And so society works differently here. The outlook of this is that some of us have been mixing in well and other haven't.
If we don't group together as a whole and continue to keep ourselves distanced from one another than the problems that occur to us today are going to live on.
This isn't just about getting to know each other and sharing a few beers.
This is about understanding our role here in Korea and helping Koreans understand us, our background and our role.
We need to represent ourselves. And Dave's ESL is not going to do that for us.
Maybe even ATEK can't do everything for us. But if we ATEK's enemy than that means we have the power to make ATEK work for us. I know that sounds strange. But we have the ability to take this group and suggest what we really need and don't need.
If you look at the dynamic of ATEK it is a group that has the possibility to break the barrier between being an "alien" to being a person in this country with better rights.
So instead of us throwing shit at ATEK let's throw something more useful.
Finally I want to add that this hiatus reminds me of my disappointment in the expat community here.
I believe that we all have higher educations, learned critical thinking and how to judge life. Instead all I usually see (talking about Dave'e ESL here) are a bunch of whiners without a light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's get it together people. You are here and we are all here. It's time to get our act together!
Slap ... kick....BAM!@!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Meantime
Trying my hardest to not let the depression, loneliness and anger side of this event to get the best of me. But it's hard of course. Also trying real hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and believe my life in Korea has been more than just being with BK.
So I recalled I took several pictures of the scenery outside my school window. As you will see it is great to know we are out of the winter blues here in Korea.
(source)
So I recalled I took several pictures of the scenery outside my school window. As you will see it is great to know we are out of the winter blues here in Korea.
When my thoughts get swirling in so many directions I have been liking lately to distract myself. So far I have been doing this by watching the show United States of Tara.
(source)It's a show about this housewife who goes through Multiple personalities and how her family deals with it. I like it because it makes me feel less crazy. Also I really like the lead actress. So a good show to pass the time with, which I seem to desire a lot lately. ~
Monday, April 20, 2009
What Happens When?
What happens when you can't sleep?
When the thought of all the recent crap in your life keeps you up?
Typically the beds you are given here in Korea are flat, stiff and unforgiving. So I got up and took out my winter blanket and smacked it on my bed to make for a more comfortable insomnia induced sleep....which is hopefully to come.
It's hard for me to go to bed like I usually did considering my early bed-time habit was one of the struggles in our relationship.
Well I am really trying hard to think of something else to write about besides this stuff.
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am actually so amazed at the amount of warmth I am receiving.
It is like one big cyber hug~~!!
When the thought of all the recent crap in your life keeps you up?
Typically the beds you are given here in Korea are flat, stiff and unforgiving. So I got up and took out my winter blanket and smacked it on my bed to make for a more comfortable insomnia induced sleep....which is hopefully to come.
It's hard for me to go to bed like I usually did considering my early bed-time habit was one of the struggles in our relationship.
Well I am really trying hard to think of something else to write about besides this stuff.
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am actually so amazed at the amount of warmth I am receiving.
It is like one big cyber hug~~!!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Dear Jessica Kim
Dear Jessica Kim,
First let me thank you for writing the enlightening opinion piece in the Korean Times. I can sympathize that there is an English craze going on here in South Korea that has all the Mom's in a daze. But you kind of lost me when you started talking about my people.
Jessica, listen here if you think that living in South Korea is a piece of cake than you are wrong. Sure for most of us we get free housing and health insurance, but that doesn't mean life is a bowl of peaches, darling.
Look I can understand if you have some kind of paranoid feelings about our presence here. But please don't blame us for Korea's insane craze to institute English into the young brains of your nation. We didn't come up with the idea of having pre-kindy English hagwons or 24/7 English instruction. Oh what's that you really mean to blame the parents and not us?
Let me first just say, honey, that choosing to pack up your life and move to an Asian country, one known for its homogeneous society and two still whacks its kids with a stick in the classroom, is not exactly the easiest choice to make. Heck we could chose to teach in Spain or Japan, societies open to the foreign man / woman.
So please do yourself and your nation a favor. Think first before you act! It is called critical thinking skills, something us deadbeats learned in high school and college.
Sincerely,
Joy (3.9 GPA top of her graduating class, Asian Art History Major, dating a Korean, white-looking female)
First let me thank you for writing the enlightening opinion piece in the Korean Times. I can sympathize that there is an English craze going on here in South Korea that has all the Mom's in a daze. But you kind of lost me when you started talking about my people.
They all say in unison, as if it comes from the Holy Bible, ``I heard all you need is the 'white looks' and you are good to go."
So why is Korea, the nation that even created a national day to celebrate the beauty and the history of the Korean language, seen as the place to go for those ``native speakers" who have no life goals?In summation you are saying that the people who come to Korea to teach English are a people who are deadbeats. Well probably amongst the near millions of us English teachers here there are likely to be a few deadbeats. But we are an educated deadbeat mass! We hold Bachelor's degrees and... oh wait you want to say something?
Ah I see you think we are the lowly half of the college graduates. The ones who got by stoned and dehydrated from drinking too much the night before. And since you refer to us as "Kings" I can only assume you are projecting this at the male portion of English Teachers.
Do we really want these ``white-looking" people to just stroll into Korea, who probably scored less than 500 out of 800 on their verbal portion of their SATs or don't even know what they SATs are, to be hailed as kings by Korean parents?
Jessica, listen here if you think that living in South Korea is a piece of cake than you are wrong. Sure for most of us we get free housing and health insurance, but that doesn't mean life is a bowl of peaches, darling.
Look I can understand if you have some kind of paranoid feelings about our presence here. But please don't blame us for Korea's insane craze to institute English into the young brains of your nation. We didn't come up with the idea of having pre-kindy English hagwons or 24/7 English instruction. Oh what's that you really mean to blame the parents and not us?
...and, finally, it is their obsession that leads Korea to be looked-down-upon as a Plan B by those ``native English speakers" who miserably fail in their own lives. The parents with such wrong attitudes are to be blamed for the pandemic.
Let me first just say, honey, that choosing to pack up your life and move to an Asian country, one known for its homogeneous society and two still whacks its kids with a stick in the classroom, is not exactly the easiest choice to make. Heck we could chose to teach in Spain or Japan, societies open to the foreign man / woman.
We all need to realize that this English craze is not only pointless, but it burdens the students and their families. It ships Korea's money offshore and it pressures Korean educators to seek unqualified people who only possess the ``white looks." It leads to many indirect social problems that we have in Korea right now.Again I agree with you that the English craze is a real crackpot here and is not as regulated as it should be. But don't think for a second that we are making it worse for this country. For one we come with our educated background, life experience and free-thinking open-mindedness that is probably a set of skills and tools this nation could use.
So please do yourself and your nation a favor. Think first before you act! It is called critical thinking skills, something us deadbeats learned in high school and college.
Sincerely,
Joy (3.9 GPA top of her graduating class, Asian Art History Major, dating a Korean, white-looking female)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
My Peers
Yesterday I had a meeting with the other teachers from my city's district. The purpose was to discuss and sign up for the English Cafe and Summer Camp.
In my contract it stipulates that I must do a session of English Cafe for the city. Basically this is where I will go to a youth center location in the city and teach an evening program of English to Elementary youngins. I only have to go once a week for 6 weeks. Actually I don't really know how long I have to do this, which brings me to the highlight of this meeting.
The meeting served a great purpose to see who my peers are in my region. I got to see the other public Elementary school teachers. But when it came down to all of us working together things fell apart, in my opinion.
English Cafe Selection Process:
First we were to be assigned which place and date we would work at for English Cafe. There were two locations, one close to my home and another a bus ride away. But I didn't find this out till after the fact. When they started discussing the English Cafe I was confused how it all worked but didn't a get a chance to chime in. This is because the more experienced teachers starting barking what days they want and location.
The selection process was by drawing a number out of a small black-box, which is ridiculous if you ask me. But no one asked me. I ended up with a number for the English Cafe that is a bus ride away and I was pissed. They gave us the opportunity to switch with each other, but by the time I figured out what my number meant everyone had finalized their switches and was stubborn to change with me. Needless to say I felt, as a new teacher, duped.
Summer Camp Selection Process:
But then came the Summer Camp week selection. In the summer the kids will have 38 days off for vacation. As a teacher I have to teach 1 week at school and 1 week up in the mountains just like I did for winter camp. I understood what all this was about and didn't have any questions.
So once again the little black box came floating around. Luckily it started at my end of the table. To my delighted surprise I received the first week of camp duty. This was a big relief. For I am trying to plan to visit America in the summer for two weeks. All I need now is to secure the 2nd week of summer vacation as the school's version of camp, and I will be set!
Oh but then it came time to meet the other people who will be at the camp with you. So the first week group got together and immediately everyone starting writing down what activity they will teach. Before I was able to open my mouth most of the spots were being taken. First I wanted Arts & Crafts, taken! Next, Movies...taken! Next....Cooking...taken! The option left was Drama and I am not a drama person. So after some negotiation I ended up with Geography, which I was pleased with.
But what was unpleasant was how disrespectful everyone one was. Instead of as a group deciding what we want to do, everyone individually jumped in and claimed a spot. Although, the members in my group appear to be nice people I feel that due to this one hiccup on the first day of meeting that I will not look forward to working with them. But I have 3.5 months to get over it so we will see.
My Peers:
But let me get back to the subject of meeting my peers. Looking around the room I saw a wide selection of teachers. Mostly men but there was a good sized group of women as well. Also there was some diversity in the crowd, not only in racial background but also experience.
After the meeting everyone migrated out the door and I walked up to a group of women. They said hello and asked if I was going to the bar. I said no and that I didn't know we were going there. So they invited me. We introduced ourselves on the walk over. I felt kind of nervous because I knew I would not want to drink but others will.
The bar we went to was on a rooftop and so had a patio. We sat outside and enjoyed the warm air and cool breeze. I ordered a kiwi juice drink while others ordered beer. I didn't get teased, thankfully and so felt at ease.
More teachers showed up and soon everyone was chatting, laughing and having a good time. I got to know some new people and hopefully made some new pals. Facebook will be the magic wand for now...haha
But what I enjoyed most was getting a glimpse of other teacher's experiences here in Korea. It seemed everyone enjoyed their jobs and being in Korea.
However, I got the distinct sense that my overall experience here has been contrastingly different from most teachers. For one I never spent any nights going crazy and drinking it up in Itaewon. It seemed everyone had a story of some great drinking adventure they went on. I didn't feel jealous, but kind of like an outcast. Wondering if I am the only one.
Ah well it was stilll good to get to know my peers and speak English in full on sentences.
In my contract it stipulates that I must do a session of English Cafe for the city. Basically this is where I will go to a youth center location in the city and teach an evening program of English to Elementary youngins. I only have to go once a week for 6 weeks. Actually I don't really know how long I have to do this, which brings me to the highlight of this meeting.
The meeting served a great purpose to see who my peers are in my region. I got to see the other public Elementary school teachers. But when it came down to all of us working together things fell apart, in my opinion.
English Cafe Selection Process:
First we were to be assigned which place and date we would work at for English Cafe. There were two locations, one close to my home and another a bus ride away. But I didn't find this out till after the fact. When they started discussing the English Cafe I was confused how it all worked but didn't a get a chance to chime in. This is because the more experienced teachers starting barking what days they want and location.
The selection process was by drawing a number out of a small black-box, which is ridiculous if you ask me. But no one asked me. I ended up with a number for the English Cafe that is a bus ride away and I was pissed. They gave us the opportunity to switch with each other, but by the time I figured out what my number meant everyone had finalized their switches and was stubborn to change with me. Needless to say I felt, as a new teacher, duped.
Summer Camp Selection Process:
But then came the Summer Camp week selection. In the summer the kids will have 38 days off for vacation. As a teacher I have to teach 1 week at school and 1 week up in the mountains just like I did for winter camp. I understood what all this was about and didn't have any questions.
So once again the little black box came floating around. Luckily it started at my end of the table. To my delighted surprise I received the first week of camp duty. This was a big relief. For I am trying to plan to visit America in the summer for two weeks. All I need now is to secure the 2nd week of summer vacation as the school's version of camp, and I will be set!
Oh but then it came time to meet the other people who will be at the camp with you. So the first week group got together and immediately everyone starting writing down what activity they will teach. Before I was able to open my mouth most of the spots were being taken. First I wanted Arts & Crafts, taken! Next, Movies...taken! Next....Cooking...taken! The option left was Drama and I am not a drama person. So after some negotiation I ended up with Geography, which I was pleased with.
But what was unpleasant was how disrespectful everyone one was. Instead of as a group deciding what we want to do, everyone individually jumped in and claimed a spot. Although, the members in my group appear to be nice people I feel that due to this one hiccup on the first day of meeting that I will not look forward to working with them. But I have 3.5 months to get over it so we will see.
My Peers:
But let me get back to the subject of meeting my peers. Looking around the room I saw a wide selection of teachers. Mostly men but there was a good sized group of women as well. Also there was some diversity in the crowd, not only in racial background but also experience.
After the meeting everyone migrated out the door and I walked up to a group of women. They said hello and asked if I was going to the bar. I said no and that I didn't know we were going there. So they invited me. We introduced ourselves on the walk over. I felt kind of nervous because I knew I would not want to drink but others will.
The bar we went to was on a rooftop and so had a patio. We sat outside and enjoyed the warm air and cool breeze. I ordered a kiwi juice drink while others ordered beer. I didn't get teased, thankfully and so felt at ease.
More teachers showed up and soon everyone was chatting, laughing and having a good time. I got to know some new people and hopefully made some new pals. Facebook will be the magic wand for now...haha
But what I enjoyed most was getting a glimpse of other teacher's experiences here in Korea. It seemed everyone enjoyed their jobs and being in Korea.
However, I got the distinct sense that my overall experience here has been contrastingly different from most teachers. For one I never spent any nights going crazy and drinking it up in Itaewon. It seemed everyone had a story of some great drinking adventure they went on. I didn't feel jealous, but kind of like an outcast. Wondering if I am the only one.
Ah well it was stilll good to get to know my peers and speak English in full on sentences.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A Walk Around
Last Saturday, I woke up a bit early and got my American phone calls out of the way along with other chores. It was Valentine's Day and so I expected that I would meet up with BK soon. However, he called to say that he needed some time at home before coming out here. Also, he was in a tiff because he was trying to help me send money to America, but the Internet banking site was giving him grief. (He gets angry easily.)
So I told him to go eat his bop (rice...it was lunch time) and to cool down.
But I needed cooling down too. When he gets angry, like that, it kind of scares me. I think it is because I am a sensitive person. So I really didn't want us to be in a bad mood on Vday, of all days.
With nothing really on my schedule, till BK would come, I decided to find something to do. I connected with a friend I made at the Winter Camp. He lives in Geumcheong, which is just one train stop away. Now, don't get in silly ideas people. He is the kind of guy that teases you for pleasure. In other words, friendship is all I am looking for...period.
I decided to contact him via facebook.
He has two dogs so I suggested that he take them for a walk and that I come along.
The weather was pale gray and a bit cold, not exactly leisure walking weather. But when you got something bothering you mentally (BK's eruptive anger) you kind of want to vent off some steam.
Don't get me wrong, BK is not angry all the time. And when these episodes occur usually after about 30-60 minutes he realizes what an ass he was and apologizes. I have learned to be patient and not take it personally. When we talk about it he tends to lean on that Korean's are easily angered, and well he is Korean. Which, is not all together made-up. Sometimes you do get the sense that Korean people have a hot and flashy temper, that you don't want to get between.
Anyways, back to the walk.
I usually just whisk pass Geumcheong when riding the train, so I never really thought of it as a stopping place.
My friend said that there is a river park nearby and we should go check it out.
However, he didn't really know how to get there. So we ended up taking a longer walk than I expected.
What made the journey interesting is that our walk was landscaped by scenery not all too pretty. It was mainly industrial shops and junk yards. You could see welders welding inside one shop, while another had a lady sanding down a door.
Imagine, if you will, that our path was like an elongated loop. So when we turned around and headed back in the other direction we walked pass even more dirtier industrial shops. This time they had grimy dogs chained up out front to bark at passers-by.
Sorry that I didn't take a whole lot of pictures. I have the tendency to not take out the camera if my fingers could get cold.
But when we were passing under a very large and tall highway I couldn't help but take a few shots.
It's not like I've never seen structures like this before, it was just that it's grandeur was overwhelming.
I would like to go back there and get better shots, someday.
Well after that we headed back to the train station and sad our goodbyes. I felt a lot better, after my walk, and could approach BK with a clearer head. Also, it was interesting to see a different side of Korea, the dirtier side that is.
So I told him to go eat his bop (rice...it was lunch time) and to cool down.
But I needed cooling down too. When he gets angry, like that, it kind of scares me. I think it is because I am a sensitive person. So I really didn't want us to be in a bad mood on Vday, of all days.
With nothing really on my schedule, till BK would come, I decided to find something to do. I connected with a friend I made at the Winter Camp. He lives in Geumcheong, which is just one train stop away. Now, don't get in silly ideas people. He is the kind of guy that teases you for pleasure. In other words, friendship is all I am looking for...period.
I decided to contact him via facebook.
He has two dogs so I suggested that he take them for a walk and that I come along.
The weather was pale gray and a bit cold, not exactly leisure walking weather. But when you got something bothering you mentally (BK's eruptive anger) you kind of want to vent off some steam.
Don't get me wrong, BK is not angry all the time. And when these episodes occur usually after about 30-60 minutes he realizes what an ass he was and apologizes. I have learned to be patient and not take it personally. When we talk about it he tends to lean on that Korean's are easily angered, and well he is Korean. Which, is not all together made-up. Sometimes you do get the sense that Korean people have a hot and flashy temper, that you don't want to get between.
Anyways, back to the walk.
I usually just whisk pass Geumcheong when riding the train, so I never really thought of it as a stopping place.
My friend said that there is a river park nearby and we should go check it out.
However, he didn't really know how to get there. So we ended up taking a longer walk than I expected.
What made the journey interesting is that our walk was landscaped by scenery not all too pretty. It was mainly industrial shops and junk yards. You could see welders welding inside one shop, while another had a lady sanding down a door.
Imagine, if you will, that our path was like an elongated loop. So when we turned around and headed back in the other direction we walked pass even more dirtier industrial shops. This time they had grimy dogs chained up out front to bark at passers-by.
Sorry that I didn't take a whole lot of pictures. I have the tendency to not take out the camera if my fingers could get cold.
But when we were passing under a very large and tall highway I couldn't help but take a few shots.
It's not like I've never seen structures like this before, it was just that it's grandeur was overwhelming.I would like to go back there and get better shots, someday.
Well after that we headed back to the train station and sad our goodbyes. I felt a lot better, after my walk, and could approach BK with a clearer head. Also, it was interesting to see a different side of Korea, the dirtier side that is.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Nervous and Can't Stand It
Why I am so nervous?
Tomorrow is Monday, a work day. The day my supervisor said we should talk about what I did on Friday. (Trying to rest in class and not being "adult" enough to say "No" and go home.)
Hypothetical situation tomorrow at the meeting:
Big Boss: Why did you do that? What made you think you can write a message on the board saying, do you work and then you can play? Why do you think it was okay to put your head down and rest in class and have the kids play around?
(Yes this is true. I wrote a message on the board saying I was sick, do your work and then you can play. Honestly, I didn't know what to do. Yes, I put my head down. I could hardly keep it up. So when my supervisor saw this walking by the classroom, it is no wonder why she got mad)
Me: On Friday, I was too sick to make any kind of good judgment or have the ability to be strong enough to say No. I tried to ask to go home, but Jay told me "No." She said that everyone is sick and isn't fair that I go home. That we all have to work...it is a small office and no one can cover me.
I would have tried harder to say "No" but I found Jay too intimidating, and I understand her situation that she couldn't cover me because she had evaluate the new Korean teacher. So I couldn't say "No"
Instead I said I would work but don't expect the best teaching job.
Jay: You could have tried to say "No", but you just cried in front of me and became angry. I don't understand you. I was just doing my job, I had no choice but to say you couldn't go home.
(Yes I cried because I was so shaken by my situation, I knew I needed to be in a bed, but the odds were against me. But when I started to cry she immediately said "Don't Cry." She has a lot of spite towards me)
Me: I know and I understand, that is why I had a hard time being strong enough to say No. We already have a bad relationship and I didn't expect that if I fought to go home you would have allowed it, so really I had no hope.
Big boss: Ok, well it would have been better if you were a big person and said I have to go home. But still your actions in the classroom are unbelievable. You keep forgetting that a child could complain and make a mother upset. .....blah blah
Me: Yes I know now that my actions weren't in the best interest of the school. But it is like I said I was not able to make the best decisions that day.
After I decided to stay, I took my medicine and rested. But all I could think about was how I was going to get through the day. My mind hurt so much and it hurt to talk, so I didn't know how I was going to teach. So I decided that for the first class I would write a message on the board and try to take a rest. So that by the next class I would have more strength to teach and hopefully the medicine would have kicked in.
Big Boss: Still what you did was wrong gave a poor impression to the children.
Me: All I can say that I was incapable of making the right decisions, all I could think about was my survival and how I was going to get through the day.
Big Boss: Well, blah blah blah
*And hopefully she won't say something like:
"I see is that you are really not cut out to be a teacher and I am not going to give you any release documents, because I think it is in your best interest to go back to your country and work there."
But I told my recruiter this dilemma and she seems to think that it will be ok. Also I told Bo Kwan and he thinks it will be ok.
Maybe they just want to talk about it and get their final say in all the crap I caused at their school. Also I might imagine that they will deduct pay from this fiasco, which I don't really care about.
I really just want to get through it because, in the end it will be a situation where they won't really hear what I have to say. Instead their goal will be to chew me out and make their case that I am worthless.
I know I am a good teacher. I chose a hagwon that is small and managed with fear tactics. I have one week left before I pack up and leave. I am still going to teach and get it all done right.
*So my warning:*
If ya wanna work at a hagwon check the size of it. Number of teachers and students, because the smaller the numbers means you can't have someone cover for you.
Tomorrow is Monday, a work day. The day my supervisor said we should talk about what I did on Friday. (Trying to rest in class and not being "adult" enough to say "No" and go home.)
Hypothetical situation tomorrow at the meeting:
Big Boss: Why did you do that? What made you think you can write a message on the board saying, do you work and then you can play? Why do you think it was okay to put your head down and rest in class and have the kids play around?
(Yes this is true. I wrote a message on the board saying I was sick, do your work and then you can play. Honestly, I didn't know what to do. Yes, I put my head down. I could hardly keep it up. So when my supervisor saw this walking by the classroom, it is no wonder why she got mad)
Me: On Friday, I was too sick to make any kind of good judgment or have the ability to be strong enough to say No. I tried to ask to go home, but Jay told me "No." She said that everyone is sick and isn't fair that I go home. That we all have to work...it is a small office and no one can cover me.
I would have tried harder to say "No" but I found Jay too intimidating, and I understand her situation that she couldn't cover me because she had evaluate the new Korean teacher. So I couldn't say "No"
Instead I said I would work but don't expect the best teaching job.
Jay: You could have tried to say "No", but you just cried in front of me and became angry. I don't understand you. I was just doing my job, I had no choice but to say you couldn't go home.
(Yes I cried because I was so shaken by my situation, I knew I needed to be in a bed, but the odds were against me. But when I started to cry she immediately said "Don't Cry." She has a lot of spite towards me)
Me: I know and I understand, that is why I had a hard time being strong enough to say No. We already have a bad relationship and I didn't expect that if I fought to go home you would have allowed it, so really I had no hope.
Big boss: Ok, well it would have been better if you were a big person and said I have to go home. But still your actions in the classroom are unbelievable. You keep forgetting that a child could complain and make a mother upset. .....blah blah
Me: Yes I know now that my actions weren't in the best interest of the school. But it is like I said I was not able to make the best decisions that day.
After I decided to stay, I took my medicine and rested. But all I could think about was how I was going to get through the day. My mind hurt so much and it hurt to talk, so I didn't know how I was going to teach. So I decided that for the first class I would write a message on the board and try to take a rest. So that by the next class I would have more strength to teach and hopefully the medicine would have kicked in.
Big Boss: Still what you did was wrong gave a poor impression to the children.
Me: All I can say that I was incapable of making the right decisions, all I could think about was my survival and how I was going to get through the day.
Big Boss: Well, blah blah blah
*And hopefully she won't say something like:
"I see is that you are really not cut out to be a teacher and I am not going to give you any release documents, because I think it is in your best interest to go back to your country and work there."
But I told my recruiter this dilemma and she seems to think that it will be ok. Also I told Bo Kwan and he thinks it will be ok.
Maybe they just want to talk about it and get their final say in all the crap I caused at their school. Also I might imagine that they will deduct pay from this fiasco, which I don't really care about.
I really just want to get through it because, in the end it will be a situation where they won't really hear what I have to say. Instead their goal will be to chew me out and make their case that I am worthless.
I know I am a good teacher. I chose a hagwon that is small and managed with fear tactics. I have one week left before I pack up and leave. I am still going to teach and get it all done right.
*So my warning:*
If ya wanna work at a hagwon check the size of it. Number of teachers and students, because the smaller the numbers means you can't have someone cover for you.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Dealing with racism 101
Found this video through the net and thought it coincides with the recent shake up about Complaining Expats. Its got that slam poetry kind of twist to it, but if you make it through then you will see that it has a qualitative point.
If you have ever been there in that moment of debating about whether what somebody said was racist, then you may find this persons technique useful.
If you have ever been there in that moment of debating about whether what somebody said was racist, then you may find this persons technique useful.
Friday, June 13, 2008
In Sickness and in Health
Today was a rotten day. It started with a sore throat and achy body and ended with tears. I didn't know if calling in sick works out here and found out that it doesn't. So my emotions ran high and a few words were exchanged like "I am weak when I sick..." and thus a meeting was held with my supervisor.
It was the usual meeting where your boss overlooks all the good things you have done and focusing solely on the bad: complaining you have to work while sick, not talking enough with coworkers and my health. (They don't know I have Crohn's).
So after a full day of teaching, feeling more sick off the drugs they gave me and coming out of it I came home and cried my eyes out. Yes I am mentioning it to all of you out there..including you ... Mom.
Within the history of my life change has always been difficult. My parent's got divorced, at 15 yrs old I moved to California to live with my Dad, at 25 yrs old I became sick with Crohn's disease or colitis....whichever way you slide and now I am living in a whole other country.
Yet this last change is a change I chose based upon direct forces in my life. So after sobbing for several hours, only eating sliced peaches for dinner and going to bed I came to the realization that hey...this isn't entirely my fault!
For one, they overlooked all the hard work I have been doing. Two it is only my 2nd week of teaching of for Christ's sake (sorry) I am not going to get all perfect. Three I know myself!!!!!
By now in my life I know that I give people the cold shoulder before making a perfect relationship with them because I am a cautious person. I know by now that I focus on organization and planning before I do relationships with other people. And two my body isn't all that strong.
So with these thoughts I now have ammunitation to defend myself instead of becoming insecure and feeling like the world is going to end. I can answer questions about my behaviour that my boss raises with confidence. I can also offer to them that I am good worker and can survive the job, yet would like their support in doing so.
I do not blame what happened today on it being a 'Korean' thing of the bosses being too harsh and cruel. I blame myself. I knew this crap was going to happen yet naively hoped it wouldn't. So I look at the mirror wipe away my tears and shape my fear into something formidable.
HA!
It was the usual meeting where your boss overlooks all the good things you have done and focusing solely on the bad: complaining you have to work while sick, not talking enough with coworkers and my health. (They don't know I have Crohn's).
So after a full day of teaching, feeling more sick off the drugs they gave me and coming out of it I came home and cried my eyes out. Yes I am mentioning it to all of you out there..including you ... Mom.
Within the history of my life change has always been difficult. My parent's got divorced, at 15 yrs old I moved to California to live with my Dad, at 25 yrs old I became sick with Crohn's disease or colitis....whichever way you slide and now I am living in a whole other country.
Yet this last change is a change I chose based upon direct forces in my life. So after sobbing for several hours, only eating sliced peaches for dinner and going to bed I came to the realization that hey...this isn't entirely my fault!
For one, they overlooked all the hard work I have been doing. Two it is only my 2nd week of teaching of for Christ's sake (sorry) I am not going to get all perfect. Three I know myself!!!!!
By now in my life I know that I give people the cold shoulder before making a perfect relationship with them because I am a cautious person. I know by now that I focus on organization and planning before I do relationships with other people. And two my body isn't all that strong.
So with these thoughts I now have ammunitation to defend myself instead of becoming insecure and feeling like the world is going to end. I can answer questions about my behaviour that my boss raises with confidence. I can also offer to them that I am good worker and can survive the job, yet would like their support in doing so.
I do not blame what happened today on it being a 'Korean' thing of the bosses being too harsh and cruel. I blame myself. I knew this crap was going to happen yet naively hoped it wouldn't. So I look at the mirror wipe away my tears and shape my fear into something formidable.
HA!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
