Thanks Giving

Whatever the holiday means to us Americans, it should be a day celebrated around the world for being grateful. From the last Thanksgiving and to this one, a lot has transpired in my life. I have a stable job here in Korea, but lost my relationship with someone I had been with for two years.

Yet, I am still grateful for all I have. My warm Tom to cuddle with at night, and the blessings of a family that live far away.

As the holidays approach, being far from family lets you remember that you are out here alone. Therefore, I am grateful for the friends I have here whether we keep in constant contact or just pass each other by on the land of Facebook. In addition, I am thankful for you, my readers who still come and read the blabberings that I post...thank you.

What are you grateful for this year?

And then we were friends

I haven't been sharing much about my personal life, but felt an update was necessary. For a while now my relationship with JH has been going downhill. Back in May things were quite nice, but then as the summer advanced things started to grow apart between us.

Eventually he has come to the conclusion that we should change our relationship to being friends. That in time this will serve us better than in a close relationship. Although things weren't working out for us I was confused by this conclusion.

But these days I am getting use to this change and accepting it. I suppose I am back in the single boat and this time I want to stay in it and assess my life and such.

Even though we are now friends I find myself needing some distance from him to sort all this out and accept it. But eventually I do want to be his friend and not loose him forever.

So that is where I am at nowadays. If you have any questions email or post them.  Thanks~

My Chuseok

My Chuseok has been rather uneventful this year. As you might recall I went to Geoje island last year with JH and had a spectacular time. This year JH and I are going through some kind of rough patch. We are both concerned about our futures. Because of this we haven't done much together this Chuseok. Despite this I am trying to take myself places. I went to some festival downtown in Jogno yesterday and hope to meet up with good pals today.

I'll update a little here on JH so you guys are up to speed. He found out he can't get a loan for a new place because the banks would like him to have experience living on his own first. So instead of his family breaking apart they are just going to move out together and find a new place. This relieved the pressure off of this situation, so I am glad things are less stressful for him there. But really our relationship has taken some turns that I don't particularly like. I am going to keep all this stuff private still, but thought my readers would like a little insight into my life right now.

Cool nights are already here and I have changed my wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts are on the hangers and pants ready to go. Thankfully summer is still lingering with warm days. With all this personal stuff in my life I hope this winter will be somehow good to me.

Anyways, enjoy your Chuseok and have a great Fall season.

Fall Approaching

This morning the air is a bit breezy and cool, which means Fall is on its way here. I don't hear any cicadas buzzing, well just a few, but with it not being so deafening anymore this is also a sign of the changing seasons.

The first week back to work went all right with a few jolts to remind me that I am teaching first grade. The kid's levels have been changed and there are new groups now. Overall, most of them are descent but there is one that is just pure awfulness. However, I have good feelings for this semester which is helped by the prep work I have done and the experience behind me.

This semester we have a drama festival to practice for and perform. Since parents are coming to see it the homeroom teachers are all stressing over it. We had a brief meeting about it on Friday and from what I gathered we basically need to practice the songs and roleplay with them a lot. But it will cut into class time, where as we are suppose to practice 10 - 15 minutes at the end of class. Ah well!

My mantra this semester is just go with the flow, even though some things sound completely ridiculous. I hope I can achieve this and not step on anyone's toes.

I know I don't share much about my personal life with you folks but there have been developments in the boyfriend department. He has been living at home with his Mom and Sister for ages now. But they have been thinking of getting their own places. His sister's boyfriend is kind of a loaded man and so wants her to live in a officetel that he pays for. His mom is going to move into a new place with her boyfriend and so that leaves my guy alone. He was planning to just stay in his current place alone, but then last night the landlord told them they have to vacate it by the end of October. Now JH is scrambling to find a place. He would come live with me, but we both agree my house is too small and it would hurt the relationship. In this respect, I wish I could accommodate him. He is going to see about getting a loan and if it is big maybe shoot for a two bedroom place, and who knows I might move in there. All of this has me a bit nervous as I don't know what is going to happen and money is a big issue right now.

So as Fall encroaches on my life I feel like change might be in the wind or something big is down the road. But really I am stressed because I want to know if my job will keep me another year and stressed with my future in general. All in all, I am trying to keep my chin up, save money and yet go out and do things at the same time.

I suppose you could say I am looking forward to Fall, but not Winter.

Somebody Had a Birthday

I know I don't share a whole lot about my personal relationship with JH on here. Mostly because I know he doesn't want me to and also I just don't know how to word it. I have to say though the man is very special to me and we are already a little past our two years together. So I know this is a good relationship.

The man's birthday was in April and I got him a few presents. One of which I wrapped up and stuck to a package of ramyeon like they do at the supermarket. You know how if you buy a box of cereal, sometimes there is a freebee attached to the side of it...like that.

The man got a Gundam kit and a charm for his car...nothing really fancy haha. We later went out for Indian food and eventually played Monopoly. We get pretty competitive when we play and the following picture shows that I was winning, since I had both Park Place and the other blue one. He stopped the game and claimed he was the winner and that we were tired and needed to go to bed. Hmph!

Look closely, I have two houses and a hotel on there!

Anyways, I think it was a good birthday celebration considering that the guy didn't give me anything for mine last year! Yes, that's right. But I have a forgiving heart... ;)

Cultural Difference: The First Bite

As JH and I were served our meals at an Outback Steakhouse today something happened that made me realize an interesting cultural difference between us two. First let me say that I generally do not like going to Outback Steakhouse, Fridays or any of those chains here in Korea. Mostly because they are expensive, but also due to that the food is often really greasy and too salty. With that said, we usually just order salads since we have found they are the freshest thing on the menu.

There I was ready to take my first bite when JH shoved his fork (with a piece of meat on it) in front of my face asking, "Do you want to try it?" I leaned back and exclaimed, "No!"

This isn't the first time JH has done this, and I always reject his attempts to feed me like that. I think today I got a little peeved because I would have figured by now he got the message. But then I realized this must be some cultural difference hoopla. As far as I know, back home we don't usually try to feed each other. If we do want someone to taste our dish I think we usually take a small portion and put it on the other persons plate. But rarely was I taught or had the experience of a bite being rapidly put in front of my face.

Immediately, I discussed this with JH and pointed out the cultural difference. Certainly he didn't know about it and figured it was normal. Also, he remarked on how it is something couples do.

I just have to wonder if this is something shared by other cross-cultural couples in Korea, or am I just the only one? hmmm

KoreanCupid: A Guide for the Ladies on how to Date Online in Korea

source

Maybe, you have seen the above picture with a young Korean woman in it and the words "Korean Cupid".  After looking at it a few times you might have wondered, what it is like to use an online dating service in Korea. So your curiosity finally peaks and you head over to the site and end up in this world that you might think is just like any other dating site, except it is not.

 Before I get into my guide, let me first tell you that I met JH through this particular site, and just about two years ago. It was after my break up with my first Korean boyfriend (BK), and I didn't want to believe that I could never love a Kboy again. However, I am not the person to walk up to strangers on the street or go to bars/clubs and hit it up with guys there. I needed a place to go to where I could connect with a Korean man but on a certain level. That is why this guide today will reflect an actual user's experience and give you some insight into the site and trying to meet Korean men.

Another last stop before I get into the guide, and that is my discretionary statement. This guide is for ladies interested in Korean men. It might help you if you are of a different sex and looking for women, or whatever, but mostly this is for women looking specifically for Korean men. Yes, there are non-Korean men on the site but I never bothered to get involved with that. 

With that said, I want to state that this is not from the perspective of someone who is obsessed with sex, is interested in drinking and one night stands or is just looking to hook up with a Korean for the thrill of it. I did my search, two years ago, to look for someone to start a serious relationship with. Therefore, my perspective will reflect these (I guess) conservative views.

Let's move on~!!

The Guide To Using Korean Cupid for the Ladies Looking for the Korean Man's Heart:

1. Setting Up Your Profile:

 Yes I am using my own profile there, which is still visible on the site (although I don't use it anymore). Obviously, when you start off on the site you make your profile. This includes all the typical stuff with the most important showing up first. Here are my basic tips:

• Put up pretty pictures of yourself that are flattering. Unless you want him to see you as a drunk, then show yourself partying in the bar. Otherwise give the guys decent pictures to look at. Also have a variety up there as this seems to be a big feature of the site.
• Be honest in your descriptions. Just don't lie off the bat that you are skinny but are really not, or don't mind if a guy smokes, but you really do. 
• Make a simple and useful headline. Not too long as that can be tiring.
• In the "seeking" section, briefly but accurately state what you are looking for.

2. Browsing Men's Profiles

• The Search: Be specific or else you will get more results than you can handle. Shoot for people who have been recently active. Look within your age range, unless you really don't care. 
• The Results: As you can see it will vary who shows up. Since a picture says it all, I mostly see this first and then look at the details. What has always been really strange is most Korean folks are seeking females age "18 - 80." Something tells me they really aren't going to date an 18 year old or an 80 year old either. This already tells you something about their ability to use the site or how sincere they are in making their profile. It could also just mean they were lazy. Sift through the results and see if any catch your eye. Click on their profile and dig into whether they are interesting enough to send a message or set up for a private chat. 

3. Looking at their Profiles: 

• The most important aspect, I found, is not all the information they fill out or their pictures but what they put as a description of who they are looking for. If they can write two sentences and do it well in English than you can tell they are using the site for more than just peeping. The following examples show how some give you good and bad signs.

 

 4. Communication and the Private Chat

This is by far the most important and critical part of using the site. If you list yourself as "single" and "available" you will get a lot of profile views, email and chat requests. A chat request works by that a pop up window comes up with a chime asking you to join in. Once opened you can find out who is trying to talk to you via a link to their profile. The following are some warnings and good advice when chatting with Korean men on this site.

• Most Chat requests are from guys who want sex only. How do I know? Because I cut the bullshit and got straight to the point with a lot of them and told them I wasn't looking for one night stands. Usually things start off nice in a chat and then the guy suddenly starts asking questions like, "What is your bra size?" "Do you like sex?" And from there you can tell that he is just on the site for the thrill of it. When I revealed that I wasn't trying to hook up with guys just for sex, a lot of them got upset. They even would tell me that they thought foreign women don't mind one night stands and I was acting "strange" to them. Gee I wonder where they got those ideas (Hollywood!).
• Weed them out to find Mr. Niceguy. Of course, you really can't tell if he is good or bad by just a quick chat but as shown above you do want to be straight up honest at first. Otherwise, you could end up meeting a guy with different intentions. So have a method lined up for how you will chat to them. If things get strange or perverted back out. If things are civil and sound good stay in the chat.
• Move on to your real email and messenger (skype) contacts: What you really want to do is start communicating with these guys outside of KoreanCupid. Once you are comfortable enough and truly feel you can trust them then send out your details. CAUTION: Don't give any personal information (like this) out unless you are 10000% percent sure they won't end up digitally stalking you. My advice: if they ask for this kind of stuff in just the first chat than they are really desperate. Wait after a week or so to know they are worthy. 

5. Picking a Guy to Actually Date

• This category is to show that there are generally three types of Korean men on the site. 
• One: In it for the sex and thrill of being with a foreigner. (As mentioned above). If this is what you want to cater too than go ahead. But remember you might be promoting a stereotype here of foreign women as easy. 
• Two: Looking for a language partner. This kind of guy can fit into them all, but some of them mostly just want a language buddy. Keep in mind you might not really learn Korean and instead speak English the whole time. If you are looking to help a guy out with his English than go ahead, you never know as it could blossom into love.
• Three: Looking for a loving and lasting relationship or just something beyond the first date. This was the kind of guy I was looking for and managed to weed out the rest. I am still with him so as you can see it definitely lasted beyond the first date.

6. The Meet Up:

• These are going to be obvious. Pick a public place and one that you are familiar with or if you pick one new to you review how to get there and back (exit strategy). 
• If meeting someone new for the first time makes you super nervous, ask to meet first with your friend.
• Let a close friend know you are going on this semi-blind date so that there is someone out there in world caring about you. 

Conclusion: 

I doubt I mentioned everything but I hope this guide shows you what it is like from a women's perspective on the experience to be had when using KoreanCupid. Depending on your goals the site can provide you with many different types of love or lust matches. 

Once out the door and actually meeting a guy it is up to you. Dating a Korean guy in theory is no different from dating a guy from America or South Africa, since they are all men.  But of course, Korean men carry their social treasures and burdens with them that as time passes you get to know and discover. 

Maybe someday I will make a guide to dating a Korean man, but I think I need to gather more evidence from other women, to truly show what it is like. Till then there is this guide.

Finally, it is spring and so love is in the air anyways. What better way to enjoy the beauty and warmth of this season than discovering Korea with someone you met on KoreanCupid. Just do it all with caution and don't get yourself too head-over-heels. 

The Working Adult Life

Besides my first year in Korea, when I worked at the hagwon, I have never worked so much until now at this job. Because of this I have been busy after work taking care of plans and preparing materials, and my weekends have been spent with work as well. On top of this, ever since I moved in to my new place I have been running around on the weekends picking up stuff for the house and taking care of visa tasks.

I just want one weekend where I explore and do something other than house or work related. However, as much as I whine about how this job is keeping me busy it doesn't compare to JH's work week. The poor guy usually works till 7:30pm or on some days has to drive around Korea. It amazes me that even after a day of hard work he still calls me in a good mood.

But because of his hard week he is often very tired on the weekend, and you can usually find him in the position as seen in the picture above. It's been a little issue in our relationship of how our time is spent on the weekend together. I want to get out and explore but he mostly wants to stay home and rest. We have come to a compromise that not every weekend we will do something active and that we don't have to do everything together.

Tomorrow is Friday and I have to leave work early to get to KEB bank to open an account. Although I still do not have my new Alien card yet, I can use my passport to do this. As I was getting permission for this today I was told I could go there by taxi and then "come back." But of course I don't want to have to come back. I was told we get to leave work early for these kinds of matters just once a month, but it doesn't really say you should "come back." We'll see!

Tom needs my love! Bye

Post-Work Blues Cure

Trust me, I am enjoying that I don't have a job to go to till next March. But it seems there are still some frustrations from last year that I am getting over. Yesterday morning I awoke from an anxious dream where I was arguing with my old coteachers. When I woke up I was furious, but then looked around me and realized that was all over. However, as I am still waiting to make sure my previous school deposits all the money they owe me into my account, I can't help but still feel connected.

Thank fully I participated in a life-drawing group yesterday, which helped me get relief from these post-work blues. My step-mom is also an artist and she takes part in a local group that meets for life drawing. I grabbed my sketchbook and supplies and went along with her.

It was a small studio with a model and local folks. I was introduced and talked about my life over in Korea. But really I enjoyed the sketching time, where I got lost in my drawing. It really was therapeutic and helped clear my mind.

At break times I enjoyed looking around the gallery space.

It was great to see my sketch develop and have that old "studio" drawing experience back.

It's still raining here and will likely continue till next Saturday. This activity was just one of the ways I am keeping myself busy and I guess also helping me cope with the mental left-overs of last year.

In Transition

Yesterday I said goodbye to the Principal and everyone. Actually, the dinner was nice but some of the things they said made me really frustrated inside. They commented on that stuff in the past and that they understand my character. It bothered me that they didn't really thank me for the work I put in for a year and the relationships I built with the students. Ah well!

So I got to go home early yesterday, which was great since I started the final packing. I really have too much stuff! This morning after some more packing I took Tom over to his brother's house for his three month stay. Beforehand, I just sat and watched him play. Oh I am going to miss him!

They are giving me all day today to move out and clean, thankfully. But I am already bushwhacked from yesterday and not sleeping too well last night. All I know is that I need to put the past behind me, learn my lessons and feel the excitement of having no work till March! Yee-haw!

That "qualified" Thing

This is a response to recent comments on my post "Up Against The Competition." I think, although heated, most of the comments were on point and did a good job of correcting my thoughts.

But still I feel the old debate of what makes a "qualified" teacher is worth some harder thinking. However, I am not really interested in analyzing this aspect right now but rather want to focus on what it is like for those who are, academically speaking, "qualified" to teach in the Korean public school.

It is my assumption that this person would find themselves working with people who have little to no understanding of the tools they have brought with them. Korean public schools, especially Elementary, are still breaking out of the rote-memorization process of teaching. The "English Zone" in the school is likely to be the only place where they experience Western based methods of teaching. Meaning putting the students first and letting them explore in order to find the answer.

That is why I feel it is great for people with experience teaching to come here, because they can pass on what they have learned to their coteachers but also give Korean students a chance to experience learning on different levels. Despite the fact that I have no teaching credentials I have always naturally taught my classes based upon my experience as a student back home.

Of course these are all assumptions and I can only write from my own experience. I just really want to know what our Korean coteachers expect of us in the classroom. Until now all I have been told is that they want us to be "fun and active" like those guys on the "EBS English" channel. In other words, they want us to be clowns. In some aspects, for instance teaching kindy - 3rd grade, I can agree that a lively attitude is all but necessary. But asking us to just be "fun and active" means that anyone could do that. Are they going to hire someone with a Masters in Education and years of experience in the classroom to be just "fun and active." If I came here and heard that, with those qualifications behind me, I would feel insulted.

Again, though I could be wrong and just spitting out a bunch of bias, and that is why I want to be proven wrong. I want to know that Korean coteachers and Principals want their Native Teachers to come up with enriching lesson plans that involve kids using all their skills and learning on all levels. I want to know that they aren't just interested in pleasing the parent's and having someone at their school with "Ooo-ahhh" credentials.

Wherever I will be next year I will be sure not to act all high and mighty just because I have two years experience. Instead, I plan on focusing on my students and designing lessons and materials that will truly engage them. In my execution, I plan to be a lively and active person but within the limits of my own body's ability.

The fact remains that so many of us teachers in the classrooms across this nation have little-to-no qualifications teacher wise. Yes it would be our responsibility to get more credentials, but I also feel it is the Korean government's responsibility to give better and more proper training to us. If you are going to hire "unqualified" folks and not give them enough training then don't act astonished when they quit or don't live up to your expectations.

Finally, no matter what kind of person a school hires, whether it be a "qualified" vs. a "recent-grad-off-the-plane", for goodness sake Korea give these people more training in how to work with a Korean coteacher and in the Korean school environment. Hey, I know! Why not have the Korean coteachers and the native teachers go to training together? Oh that's right...you would rather put your money elsewhere.

All right...your thoughts.

Tails of Saturday and Sunday

Last Friday I panicked over the kittens and everything. Practically one month left to pack up and get everything ready to go back home. With the thought of having to find good homes for these kittens on top of everything else I need to do it seemed my mind couldn't handle it. I woke up Saturday with a sore throat and groggy head, which wasn't helpful since I was helping my friend with Halloween festivities at her hagwon.

Nevertheless, I helped her out and rested when I got home. JH spent all night and today with me learning about what it is like to take care of kittens.

The kittens are all doing well and are exhibiting their own personalities. I think since we were with them most of the day today they got use to being with us. But that is going to have to change soon for some of them.

One of my friends (the ex-foreign teacher at my school) has chosen one to take home. But she won't till after they get their shots and I think it is best to give them some more time. Another friend of hers was enticed by a photo-text message that was sent, and so there is a possibility that two will be taken to good homes. This leaves one which I have decided to keep. As for when I will be in the States and looking for a job I am finding a cat sitter. So far I have one friend who will be up for this but gotta get that squared away.

To be honest it is going to be hard to see these guys seperate and move on. I know it might be best to keep them together but most people in Korea don't live in big enough homes to care for them all. Sure two could stay together but at this point I have to do what I can to insure that by the end of November they all have a place to live.

To be honest I am torn between keeping the black one or one of the orange ones. Sigh ~ do I keep both? agh

Going back to the help I gave at my friend's hagwon, which was fun. Except for the part when I was alone in a room with a group of kindergarten kids. After the activity there was extra time and I just stood there like a deer in headlights. I tried to come up with a game but it was failing. It reminded me of when I worked at a hagwon and how at that time I just didn't know what to do.

This is troubling because I have a possible job opportunity at a hagwon in Jeongja, Bundang. I can get my mind into that it will be a challenge to overcome and teach myself how to do. But I am worried that this natural sense in myself that just recoils in a room full of 5 year olds might never change. The job is spectacular, though, with decent hours and really good wage (let's just say above 2.5). Plus I love the location and the house will be a guarantee. For now, I suppose, I will go to the interview and see what happens.

I am still worried about not getting a reference letter. I told one recruiter and he seemed concerend and so wanted to contact my coteacher. But I haven't heard back about it. As far as I can see if I don't make a stink about with the recruiters then things should just putter along as usual.

Sigh... the black one is sleeping on my lap and I need to get up to get my dinner. haha

Heart to Heart

I would like to start this post with a quote from the recent New Yorker about a column regarding the Chilean miners that were recently rescued. It was written by Adam Gopnik. As we all know the miners spent a long time down there and their story could have been grim. The article speaks to how their story is one of the more "warmer" ones out there. After coming home and thinking about what happened today this article sprang to mind. Here is the part I feel most connected with:

The men can say now "At least I'm not trapped down at the bottom of a mine." Certainly, veterans of war suffer, but many also shine with the quiet feeling that, from now on, life can never get quiet enough. People are trapped by circumstances; other people help them. There is a way out. Since this is the fable that every life hopes to trace, maybe the madness isn't so mad at all.

For the past 2.5 years here in Korea I have felt trapped by my circumstances. What am I speaking about? Finding myself having a difficult time working with Korean people. Ever since I got to Korea and had a hard time at the hagwon, it felt like I had been fighting an endless fight. I know that my actions at the hagwon led to my coworkers reacting the way they did. I left there never making amends. The problems I developed there carried with me to the next school and the next. My casual and cold attitude is not palatable to Korean tastes.

For the longest time I always felt it was a battle I needed to win. That I needed to somehow change them and by my indifferent ways that could be achieved. But we all know that didn't work and indeed got me into a lot of trouble. At some point I either needed to realize that I was wrong and should learn things or pack up and return home. However, I did learn and have realized many important things.

Let's zoom into what happened today. I have been asking my coteacher (Mr. J) for a reference letter. I got one from my last school when I left and so figured it wouldn't be a problem here. I even showed him the one I have from last year. This was about a month ago and so recently I reminded him about it.

This morning I got a text message on my computer from him stating he was sorry but the Principal made the decision not to give it to me. I became alarmed and worried. But not because I couldn't get this document mostly because the Principal was refusing to do it. I inquired and pushed for an explanation. This was before classes started and we couldn't talk much about it.

Then came the after lunch time. I inquired about it again with the youngest coteacher (Miss. K or as I have called her in the past the "princess"). What started as a civil conversation ended up into one about the past. She was being polite and things weren't getting harsh. But I was trying to defend my situation, that no one gave me the chance to listen to my perspective when things were bad. Then Mrs. W (the middle coteacher, older) came in.

She basically vented everything she ever wanted to say to me since the beginning. I realized through it that I had to just let her talk, which she did. Again I tried to point out to her that I was never really given a chance to explain myself. That I would have liked to talk to them but I realized it was hopeless and gave up.

But time was running out and I had to go teach my afterschool class. As I left the office I was in mild tears. I told Mrs. W (now Mr. J and Miss. K were out of the office) that I was deeply sorry for the burden I had caused her. That I always wanted to talk about it and meet eye to eye, but that I was scared and realized it was too late. I went to class.

At that point I felt inside the usual feeling that I get when I am in this situation. That feeling of being trapped and wanting to run away from it all. To run out of the school crying and head home. Of course I didn't do this and actually suppressed it. But there I was trapped in my own cave that I had created seeing the darkness close in around me. (Okay maybe too dramatic)

Did I think I would be able to come out of it in peace? No. 

After class I came back to the office and my face showed I was distraught. Mr. J saw this and said "Let's go for a walk." We found a bench near the school that was off the path. He told me that he needed to know that I knew that everywhere in Korea is the same. I told him I knew this and understood. I confided in him about what happened with Mrs. K and that is why I had given up any hope of relationship building. He didn't say much but I warmed things up by saying thank you and that I didn't mind about not getting the letter. We agreed that a school certificate will work just fine.

Then we were back at the office. I sent Miss. K an endearing text-letter apologizing and giving praise to her help in the office. She liked it and I sent her hope that we can move past this.

Sometime after that Mrs.W asked to talk with me. We did so in the office and over a cup of tea. It turned out to be a real heart to heart talk. She expressed to me the things she understood and were sorry for as did I. Our talk was significant because it got me out of my cave. It helped me see the light, sort of speak, and understand in a true way her side of the story. In the end, I feel closer to her and that our bad past has been amended.

For the longest time I have felt that I had to always defend the "foreigner" fort and stand up for what I thought was right treatment. Sure there are some cases of actual mistreatment, but I think I let it go to my head.

"There is a way out." It begins with opening up and and letting go. I have found my way out of the cave I built around myself and it feels good. I can't guarantee that at my next job things will go peachy but I know now really where to start and what to do.

For those not in Korea yet and are considering coming over bear this in mind. Not everyone has this experience like I had. You will find yourself facing cultural and personal differences when working with Korean people but what happens next depends on your personality.

Also bear in mind that we would like to think that the technical aspects of the job matter most. I am talking about how we teach class, the materials we make and lesson planning. Sure you can do a great job at this but if you suck in the interpersonal department then you will end up with nothing to lean on. All I am saying is that to be considered as a "good" teacher here in Korea you have to put more emphasis on positive relationships than you do on the actual teaching part of the job. I am only speaking to public schools and likely private schools. As for University teaching I think they lean more towards your teaching capabilities.

But let me tell you it will benefit your life and your time here in Korea if you heed my message. Having a good relationship with your coteacher(s) means that they will help you and be almost like family. Even though I haven't exactly established this with any of my coteachers I can see it in other people and definitely can feel it. That is why, although I initially thought this was invasive, I see it now as an asset of Korean culture.

This was a long post and whoever read the whole thing, thank you! For those who read enough to get the point.... thank you! If anything in here was of actual help to anyone else...well...good luck! If my grammar sucked again...sorry!

The madness is over.

Coat and Scarf

Winter has introduced itself today by having the temperature drop down to 34F as I walked to work. That required me to take out my old winter coat and wrap a scarf around my neck. It takes me 30 minutes to walk to work and so I guess I enjoyed the chilly stroll.

From checking the weather report it looks like this cold snap will last till about Friday when things will slightly warm up again. Of course, though 34F is not as cold as 13F which is how it is in February.

Already I have gotten news about my attempt to work for the Gangnam Public Schools.

I regret to inform you that we will not continuing on to the final interview stage. We received a large number of highly qualified applicants and unfortunately you did not pass the final screening process. I wish you luck with your job search.

That final screening process is the "checking your references" section. My references were my current coteacher (male) and my ex-coteacher from the Sanbon school. I wondered who said what and how it affected me. After inquiring with my current coteacher, saying, "Oh the Gangnam schools decided not to interview me," he looked pretty shocked and sympathetic. Meaning it probably wasn't what he said. On Sunday I mustered up the courage and called my ex-coteacher from my previous school. I didn't reveal to her that they decided not to interview me, and instead fished around to see what her feelings were. I tried to tell her that if it is a burden to her I won't give out her number. Also I noted that usually I don't have to give two references but places like Gangnam and Universities request it, stating further that later on I probably don't need to give out her number when looking for a normal public school. All the while, she seemed okay with everything. However, her tone sounded kind of hesitant when she talked about the Gangnam recruiter. I know we didn't have a good past together but since moving on I have emailed her thanking her and telling her that I missed her.

Whether or not my ex-coteacher can't help but be honest on the phone is still a slight mystery. I came to the conclusion that Gangnam indeed had a lot of "qualified" applicants and whatever my coteachers said on the phone didn't bring me up to their status. I am ok with not getting offered a position, as the housing situation was going to be difficult, but it left me hoping my references won't get me in to trouble.

For now all that is left is a University I applied for, which is in Seoul. They will call around November 8th if they want to interview me. The interview will consist of giving a three minute demo based upon their materials. Already I am brainstorming a demo, even though I am unsure whether I will even be called for to interview.

My current job, which will end in about 38 days, is trucking along. Yesterday we had our open class with the fourth graders and it went well. It had to since my coteacher prepared them so much. People were impressed and pleased. I am just happy to get that duty over with. As for my plan to perk up and try to make "amends" with certain people in this office that has started to die off. I realized I can't make them feel anything no matter what I do, but at least not tip things in the wrong direction. I noticed that I was feeling unbearably insecure due to the new foreign guy at the office. He was getting the "new person" treatment and I couldn't help but reflect on all the crap I received. For some odd reason I feel myself getting over this today. Maybe everyone has finally cooled off.

I am trying really hard to just not care about the nuances at work,which is difficult when working in a tiny office with 4 other people. To do this I am focusing on my future, consisting of a holiday vacation with my family and boyfriend back in America and my future job.

All right folks! Take your Vitamin C and dig out those gloves...winter is here.

Eat Kimchi, Teach English, Love

Yes, that's right. Last weekend I went to the movies with JH and saw Eat, Pray, Love. Although JH had scathing reviews of it afterward I leaned on the warmer side of the fence.

 

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No I did not read the book but recall it in the hands of many friends and family back when it was a popular read. 

What this movie has going for it is the story and the scenery. However it was pieced together in a very banal and typical way. I enjoyed seeing the story of a woman who didn't accept her married life and decided to seek out the adventures she always wanted. She ate (a lot apparently) in Italy, found prayer in India and love in Bali. None of this became a surprise as it went along since the director made it all perfectly clear. 

Looking back I think this movie would have been more enjoyable (at least for me) if it were directed in the same manner as Lost in Translation. I think we can put Lost in Translation in the category of movies where the protagonist is off in a foreign country and finds themselves. I think this movie better captures the feeling of what it is like to stay in a foreign country. The feeling of not knowing exactly what is going on, what people are saying and especially the intrinsic feeling that comes with being a westerner in Asian territory. They touched on this a little in Eat, Pray, Love but they showed Julia Roberts picking up the language and customs quite easily. Sure not all have difficulties with this, but for the most part not everyday is a walk in the park. Lost in Translation better showed how we see the oddities of the host culture and end up fascinated by it. Julia Robert's character seemed to just see it all a little bit too touristy for my taste. More of "Oooo" than "awe."

If I were to relate the movie Eat, Pray, Love to my own experience of living and traveling around Korea and Japan, I would say I have done a lot of kimchi eating, teaching English and finding love. 

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Of course there is so much to life here than just these three aspects. But I guess that will have to fill up the pages of a book someday. ;)

How Does One Make Amends?

Today, as I walked home with the new foreign teacher, we had a heart-to-heart talk about my past relationship with this school. I have been giving him bits and pieces of what I went through and lately been in a kind of negative attitude. I noticed this about myself and told him I didn't want him to have the wrong impression. It lead us to talk about what happened. The new guy really listened and even allowed me to see what was the most important thing.

That is that I really need to leave this school on good terms, especially if I want another job. I told him I already knew that and had been working on it already. I have made sure that my reference is my new coteacher (the guy). But then I realized that someone calling this school could end up talking to all 3 of my coteachers. That made me almost stop in my tracks. It's not that I am still on bad terms with everyone else it's just that I never have really made amends with them.

Therefore, I am now in a spiral trying to figure out a secure and comfortable way to make my amends. I want to do this especially with #2 coteacher (the oldest now of the bunch). We never really had any fights together or completely difficult times, but she was there during the rough parts and certainly remembers it all. Plus our relationship is not deep. I have spent "tea time" with her talking about current news or phenomena going on in Korea but other than that it is just a typical coworker situation.

Till now, I thought to just finish my two months and be done with it. But I realize how precious these last days are going to be. It is the only time I have to really set things right and make sure there won't be any bad things transferred through the phone about me.

Don't get me wrong; however, I really do want to make sure she knows I care about our relationship and that I want to leave the school knowing I am sorry for any harm I have done.

My first thoughts to get this done was to figure out a time when I could approach her and just confront her with my wishes. Then I started to see the big picture and realized it is all going to have to tie into my actions. Here are my plans of action. (Sorry, I seem to be really liking using bullet points.)

•  Take part in morning "tea-time". #2 coteacher usually brings in fruit or bread for everyone. I have declined it because I eat a full breakfast. But sitting there and having a small piece won't kill me.
• Friday we will have a teacher's dinner to celebrate the new foreign teacher. Make chit-chat with #2 teacher and everyone else. 
• During the after-school dinner (small number of guests) try to open up to everyone about my leaving the school and how I want to leave with a peaceful and happy feeling. (Not sure about this since it might be to direct...and make things uncomfortable for them.)
• Next week the teacher's are going on the obligatory Mountain Hike. I was offered to go. #2 coteacher told me she really wants to go. I told her I will try to go this time, but might have to rest a lot while on the mountain. She seemed ok with this. Now I realize I really have to go and make it as my last opportunity to bond.
• Bring in snacks for everyone. (I already have been bringing in my extra apples from home. But something more deliberate might be nice...hmm time to bake again?)
• After some time do approach #2 coteacher and talk about this with her. 
• When leaving the school give everyone a card with a personal message.

Those are my ideas thus far. I basically see that the most important thing will be my attitude and what I show to everyone up to the day I leave. I was on a good roll until the new foreign teacher came and then my mind got swirled up in thoughts of the past. Time to snap back into shape!

Lessons Learned

It's October 12th already and there is less than two months left at my school. The other day as I was in Seoul with JH we passed by the goshiwon I stayed in last November. I asked him, "Can you believe it? It has been nearly a year since I stayed in there?" He responded with an astonished, "Oh yea!" and we both reflected on how fast time flies by.

At that time I was in between jobs putting away all the stuff I went through at my first public school and anxious about what the new one would be like. Now I can tell I don't really think about my first public school and that the "new one" was well a rollercoaster ride. However, as I get to the end of this contract I can't help but look back and see how I have learned so much.

When I left my first public school I asked my coteacher, at that time, to tell me what I needed to do to improve myself both as an English teacher and a coteacher. I wrote down what she said and I wanted to take a moment in this post to look through these things and see if I have managed to learn a few things.
Lessons I have learned:

• "Control your mind." Meaning don't show your emotions to the class or in front of your coteacher. Did I learn my lesson? The answer, I believe, is yes. However it took a long time and a lot of strife. I might still show it a little here and there but I have learned how to become aware and to have self-control.
• "Create a warm relationship with people at the school." She claimed that I didn't do this and I responded that I was bitter at the school for giving me a crappy office-tell (first one had no window, second one wasn't much better). Did I learn my lesson? The answer is, yes. Despite the personal issues I had with previous coteachers at my current school I made it a point to bow and smile to everyone. I believe this worked as I never heard anything bad about my social behaivor.
• "More communicative with KT when holding class and I should do 80% of it." A definite YES to this one! I have completely improved my teaching manner and style in the classroom. If I think about I had 3 different coteachers in the past year at this school and had to adapt to what they wanted. 
• "Participate in preparing materials." Another YES! I make a lot of materials either by finding them online or creating my own. When cutting them out and laminating them I don't ask for help, either. I could but my coteachers are usually busy anyways. In other words I put the time into prep work, that I didn't do as much at my first public school. 

I think those highlight the significant "complaints" I received from my previous school. I will be honest, though, that I still hold inside me grief from what transpired during the first 5 months at this job. Thankfully, since then most of the people who hold those memories have moved on.

I've realized to let people be who they are and not get in the way. This is tough when you hear a coteacher say for example, "Because you are a man you can do it well and the students will like you more." (in reference to the new teacher) or "Every American loves British accents and wants to have one." That last one is based upon that my coteacher saw an episode of Friends with reference to that and the movie Love Actually with the bar scene. I tried to explain to her that not all Americans are like that. It didn't get to her. The point is that as much as that really bothers me and as much as I really want to change her mind, I have realized I can't. Instead, I have to let her be who she is and focus on my life.

Here we are looking ahead into the future, where I will be finding my fourth job in Korea. Wherever it will be I am going to take these lessons I have learned with me. Although I know I could end up facing the same issues again at a new school I am determined now to focus on the teaching job at hand, whatever it will be, and to keep the relationships in good condition.

Goodness... I sound so optimistic.

Mom's Tacos

My last day in Florida was met with some shopping and a good meal at my Mom's house. Shopping in America, especially at a grocery store or large-box store kind of gets me down. Mostly because I wish I could just take the whole thing back with me to Korea. To be honest, Korea has a lot of what America has so it's not like I am out in the middle of nowhere.

I met up with my mom at her apartment for her special Taco dinner. This is one of those nostalgic family meals that you grew up eating. My mom makes the taco filling from homemade refried pinto beans. Accompanying the tacos are usually a fresh mix of toppings, such as diced tomatoes, chopped lettuce and peppers and freshly grated cheese. Although we didn't have it this time usually we had the tacos with pita bread instead of tortillas.

I showed up early and as we waited for my sister and her family to arrive we walked around the apartment grounds walking her dog.

Gotta love that Florida lawn.

One thing folks in Florida have always feared are the alligators. I recall seeing them in the canal behind my house. 

We went back to the apartment and shortly my sister and her family arrived. The following is a picture of a rocking chair (I believe my father or Grandfather built) for me. It has my name on it. I enjoyed seeing my nephew fit into it.

Here is a picture of the beans...

 

The spread~

That is the last photo from my Florida trip. I enjoyed the meal with my mom and family. After my sister and her family left I took in a solitude moment with my mom. I said my final goodbye and it was truly difficult. It had been such a long time since we last saw each other and this visit went by fast. Yet I will try to get back out there the next chance I get. As I drove back to my sister's house there was a bold lighting storm in the distance, which felt proper for the occasion. 

Although my Florida visit was short and fast I made many memorable moments to keep myself afloat out here in Korea.  Indeed, the warmth and good feelings passed to me by my family makes me feel less bitter towards Korea. I suppose you could kind of say it was a little bit of like a healing experience, but I don't want to get all new-agey on you guys. haha

Well look for my next posts where I will highlight the good times I had in the foothills of California.

The Middle

Tomorrow I will be desk warming as there are no classes and nothing official to do. I have camp all planned and prepared for. It will be the day before I fly out to America. But I am sure I will find something productive to do (study Korean).

But today is feeling like this small yet monumental day. There was no teaching today but we still were in the office this morning. Today all the teachers were going on their trip to the East Sea, but I opted out of it because I needed to go to the bank and prepare for my trip. I know it is better to just bite the bullet and trudge along with all the teachers to these events, but I really didn't want to go. Yes I really did go to the bank and I am really preparing for my vacation.

So today as we were all getting ready to leave the office I said goodbye to them and wished them a happy summer vacation. This is because everyone but us (foreigners) will be in the office tomorrow. As I walked home I realized that today was the last day till camp that I had to be in the office with them. Actually, at camp I will be busy teaching and not all of them will be around. Mrs.K won't come around till the second week, and Mrs. W (middle teacher) plans on going home after 12 to take care of her daughter. That leaves a somewhat peaceful office, in my opinion. So it was that I then realized that things won't really be "normal" again till September when the next semester starts. And by then Mrs. K (the one I have the most conflicts with) will have moved on, since she was only hired half-time, and we will get the Dude coteacher instead.

I have been nervous lately that the Dude isn't coming and that Mr.s K is going to be here till the end. But I can't just outwardly ask this because I don't want to sound like I am counting down the days. So I am just hoping for no surprises.

With all these realizations I think my mind and body is understanding that the daily stress I put myself through is over.  Combine this with vacation starting on Friday it seems I am already in relax and chill mode.

Yet this got me thinking about my daily life here in Korea. I wondered why I spend so much time stressing about my relationships with my coteachers and my work life. I started to tell myself that from now on I should not care so much and try to just go with the flow. I have to admit that part of my stress is feeling paranoid at work. I become paranoid that they are talking negatively about me, in Korean and in the same room. In addition, I sometimes wonder what they are really thinking when I ask them questions or make requests. I seem to stress out a lot about all the gray areas due to cultural, language and personal barriers. Really I just want this to stop! I want to flow through my work day caring about the children and my duties more than the petty stuff. I know I have done it on some days but I want it to be constant.

Once September hits I will have 5 months left at this job, and I feel like I just want to make the most out of that time. What can I do if #2 coteacher disapproves and dislikes me? It won't be my goal to change her mind but to accept it and just try to be a less-paranoid insecure person in the office.

Here I am in the middle with the past 6 months at this job behind me and the next 6 months before me.

All right back to packing.

Asia vs. Asia: A New Look

Two years ago when I was fresh to Korea I wrote a post titled "Asia vs. Asia: (Series: Ugly Korean)" and since then it has been one of my top blog hits. Yet I am not proud of this post and fear that people come onto it in search of reaffirmation of their personal beliefs on Korea. It was my intention to share an experience I had with my ex about his world view amongst other Asian countries. I never really went back to that topic and so now would like to revisit it and offer up my insight after living in Korea for two years.

Issue 1: Asian people comparing themselves amongst other Asian nations.
When I first came to Korea I wanted to find out how Korean people compare themselves against other Asian countries, specifically Japan and China. I have come to discover that generally people tend to center themselves towards their country of origin and then go from there. In other words, Koreans treat Korea as the center of the Universe and their point of reference. We all do this, I believe, when comparing ourselves with other nations.

Yet I do feel Korean people take it to a higher level. To put Korea front and center means that Korean people tend to feel that Korea is always better than their Asian neighbors.

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Take for example, when I have talked about my Japan travels with my coteachers. One of my coteachers asked me if I felt Japan was better than Korea. I said yes but explained why with details from my trips. I told her that certainly living in another country is different from just visiting it. She concluded with, "Korea is better." But gave no real explanations as to why.

My coteacher was merely just being Nationalistic. Yet their eccentric Nationalism I feel sometimes overlooks the truth and gets in the way with critical thinking.

South Koreans are nationalistic. Part of the nationalism stems from the compulsory national service required of South Korean men. Part of the nationalism stems from the fact that they are still at war with the north. Part of the nationalism stems from a desire to prove they are different from Japan and China.

Take that last part there, "...desire to prove they are different from Japan and China." I for one feel that is very true and why when talking about Japan or China with Korean people it can become a touchy subject. It isn't random, of course, because it stems from a long history of invasion and hibernation from the world.

Korea has been invaded, annexed, occupied, liberated, and sometimes unwillingly protected, by Japan, China, Russia/The Soviet Union, and the United States over the past few centuries.Koreans tend to see themselves as members of a "race" that has been fighting for it's independence from foreign domination for centuries. This can result in Koreans being overly defensive towards anything they see as a threat to their way of life. This also makes many Koreans easily swayed to any point of view that plays upon nationalism.

The examples of this that come from living in South Korea are that you can have a really hard time talking about Korea in a critical thinking way with other Korean people. As an outsider one wants to understand why Korean people do what they do and also what they are thinking. Therefore one tries to find these answers by talking to their Korean colleagues. Yet in the end the result is usually of more confusion and that you possibly just pissed off the people you work with.

In my opinion, I don't think Korea has to change its Nationalistic attitude or all of sudden become a nation of people that don't see themselves as #1 amongst other nations. All I know is that when I come face to face with Korean pride that I have to take a step back and let this person have their moment.

Issue 2: How Korean people embrace and interact with non-Koreans.
When thinking about this issue I feel I need to try and get into the skin of a Korean person. To look at their world through their eyes.


What I see myself doing is when I walk down the street and see a foreign looking person that I slow down and stare at them. Maybe the child holding my hand will point and tell me that there is a foreigner nearby. We both stare and nod in agreement. Then move on.

Can I, the foreigner, really look at the world from a Korean's perspective? 

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Let's just say that recognizing and gawking at the outsider around you isn't specific to Korea. I believe that in any part of the world where the majority of people surrounding  you are all of the same type of race will lead you to naturally recognize someone who looks different. Small town America is still like this, but I feel most people in America are use to diversity either around them or on their television set. 

For a long time Korea has mostly been full of, yep you guessed it, Koreans. Day-to-day Korean people see dark hair and dark eyes all around them. Then slowly, more and more, people with different color eyes, hair, skin, body shape, speech and so on started to arrive (and stay). 

The reactions of Korean people vary from the subtle staring to shouting and being aggressive either in speech or within an online group that promotes racism. The interaction of Koreans with foreigners and their acceptance of them is at times horrifying and at other times humbling. Take for example this excerpt from the hate group Anti-English Spectrum:

Bothered by this, and gathering our power together, our consciences would not allow us to overlook this tragic story as if we were looking across a river. We are aware that loving your country does not only mean taking up arms and fighting in a war. Against illegal, low-quality English instructors who prevent our land from learning English and against English Spectrum, who debased and degraded the image of Korean women to that of one country's filthy national brand -- this is our strong fight!

hmm...

It goes without saying that I have experienced being treated like an outsider. 

It comes in various ways:

At work:

• There was a recent quarrel where myself and the other foreign worker became fed up of the overly use of Korean in our office. We get it, they are Korean and communicating in Korean is easier than English. But often we hear our names and then laughing or sighing afterward. We wonder what they are talking about and it leads to paranoia, which ends up festering. We tried to make the point that when we hear them use our names while speaking Korean it makes us feel insecure. That they should think about how it makes us feel to speak Korean most of the time in the office with our presence. They didn't get it. They thought we were overreacting and being silly. They told us that they can't help but speak Korean. But they didn't get that they should include us in their group and when they always speak Korean about work or other issues they leave us out. Leaving us out makes us truly feel like the "other". 
• In a nutshell this is an example of how at work you can often feel like the "other" and outsider due to that your Korean collegues don't see you as truly part of their group.

Outside:

• There is the staring. The pointing from children. 
• Parents make their children speak to the foreigner. 
• Whispering about the foreigner. 
• Note that I have never really had a terrible experience outside the house here in Korea. I have gotten use to the staring and forget the reason why. The hardest part seems to be riding the subway when you are in a tight space and anything could happen. I want to note that other foreigners (especially women) have had unsettling experiences.

Media:

• "Talk with Beauties" is a show that puts up beautified foreign women and talks with them in Korean. The conversations are scripted and most of what they talk about is junk. This kind of show takes the foreign woman and makes them exotic. Something that is really not helpful to our street image.
• Contrastingly there are many shows that show the foreign (especially white) man as a sexual predator. Because of this I have come across many Korean women (young and old) that believe foreign men just come to their country to do bad things and be a sexual predator. 

All of these are examples of how Korean people are confronting and dealing with the foreigners around them.

Conclusion and Reflection:

I am curious to know how Koreans embrace others from different cultural backgrounds. For now I believe that I am sure it is of no real big deal over there. That they coexist in a peaceful and sometimes hostile way. But I can't help but think that underneath the surface that some people may still feel some kind of historical and cultural opinion towards an outsider.

Those were my final thoughts from my original post on the subject. I believe I was definitely wearing rose colored glasses. Certainly the Nationalist feeling is strong here and reflects how Korean people see themselves amongst the other Asian nations.

Yet I think it is important to remember that there are millions of Koreans on this peninsula. Young and old I am sure you can find differing opinions than what was presented here.

In the end I keep in mind a philosophy that I use to keep myself sane while living here. That is: It is their stage and if they want to act and present themselves in a certain way in front of me than that is their choice. I am just the observer. And...the critic. 

*I hope you enjoyed this look back on my old post and that I showed how over time one's opinion can develop and change. It has been a while since I brought up politics like this and I hope I wasn't too broad. Thanks!