Korean Women's Roles

Roboseyo posted another topic on his blog that I too often think about. He put a video showing Korean men who work for night clubs prowling the streets trying to pick up hot women so to make the night club they work for more beautiful and gain more business.

What is depicted in the video shows that these men (known as bikkis) go about their business in an aggressive and I suppose sexually harassing manner.


My response to this video was this:

I have to say I am not really sympathetic to these women or their situation.

I think in large part that we are trained in America to think about social issues like this from a feminist perspective. And tend to lean in that direction instead of the objective or cultural.

I see this over and over again, that why are women in other parts of the world subjecting their selves to sexism?

It is as if we westerners think we hold the power and golden answer to all women's troubles in the world without first considering just what it is we are witnessing and disregarding the history and culture.

Again I see this as kind of a feminist manifest destiny...like watching these bikkis is like watching savages and we westerners must swoop in and be heroes to the women.

I feel we shouldn't just jump to the conclusion that feminism hasn't arrived in this country. For one think that these women who are being targeted are walking the streets freely and dressed nicely. Perhaps in a country where women have less power she would be dressed more conservatively.

I am just saying that perhaps feminism is in this country just not being shown in the shapes and sizes that we recognize. Simply due to that it is a different culture taking on the globalized idea of feminism.

A point I want to leave with is one about safety. I am a woman and I understand that I can be targeted by men for any reason, one of which is rape.

I come from San Francisco, where I feared walking the streets at night. And ever since I have come here I feel safe walking alone at night in the streets here. I am saying that feminism is good and all but it still doesn't mean that the world has been cured of bad men.

Anyways this video was very thought provoking and begs the need that we as foreigners need to better understand the role of women in Korean society. Including the brothels and business-su's where men go. And please don't think this is a modern aspect of society. Sex and women's roles have been around since the dawn of time.

ok ok ... ;)

As you can see my point of view is a little different. I for one just feel that as feminist mind trained westerners we tend to see the world from this point of view first and forget about the rest.

Do I think women in this country could use more strength in their defences = yes. But I am not everywhere all the time and for all we know women are strong here.

Anyways, good thought provoking topic.

apologies

Sorry everyone for being such a wimp lately and only blogging about this work drama.

I too want to see more exciting and memorable posts on my blog.

I usually have a lot of thoughts of what to write about but don't put them up.

I suppose this is life and the blog revolves around that.

;)

~Thanks for all your support anyways!

What if?

So there I was Wednesday settled with my decision to stay at my current school. Mostly because an opportunity to work at a public school seemed very risky. So I was ready to take on the challenges at my current school and wait it out till March when public school jobs become more available.

But then yesterday evening (Thursday) I got an email from the public school recruiter for Gyeonggi-do saying that he knows of a school in Guri that may have an opening in November. And immediately I thought "OH shi*t!".

No I am back in the tailspin of what to do. But now I feel that if my school will release me and if this guy will guarantee me a spot in Guri....there is a good chance I will make the change.

Yet if I do change there are the battles ahead:

• Getting a fresh Background check from America (takes weeks)
• Japan Visa run
• Moving
• Change

BK tells me to just not take it too seriously (he means sensitively) and think clearly. I am trying!

Anyways we will see what happens. In the meantime still gotta work at my current place.

Stay or Go?

These first two days back at the job have been well - calm. I guess after any kind of torrential storm there is a calm wake afterwards.

This should make a good atmosphere for decision making but it really isn't. I feel because it is wise to give a 2 month notice at the start of a month that I have till the beginning of September to decide whether to stay or go.

But I feel I am torn between my decision to go or stay. So for your reading pleasure is a list of reasons to stay or go.

Stay:

• Something can be said for those who stick something out and work on the problems they have in their current place.
• My house: it is a nice size, pest free, the washer doubles as a dryer, has a nice view.
• I do feel like I am welcomed at my school, except for the two coworkers I soured our relationship with.
  
• My supervisors do care about me and want me to do well.
• I am familiar with kids and teaching materials.

Go:

• Choice would be a public school in Gyeonggi-do (not Seoul).
  
• Area of choice would be about 10 minutes from Bo Kwan's house.
• Schedule of 8:30 - 4:30 would allow me to have an actual afternoon - evening for play or relax time.
• More vacation.
• Will have to deal with the management and supervision that comes with a public school (good and bad?)
• Japan Visa Run (get to spend a day in Japan)
• New adventure
• New set of coworkers to make friendlier relationships with.
• New start

So as you can see I am caught between all this in my head. Some moments I want to leave the school and start anew. Another part of me feels I am just heading into a whole other bag of stress and hell.

The thing though that in life when you are faced with these kinds of decisions it is that you will never know the outcome. The only sure thing is that you need to know yourself.

I know that I am wobbling pile of jello under stress and worry, and that it effects the people close to me.

Sigh~

I just want to be sure of what is the right decision.

No matter which one I chose I have many things to work on and many things to learn. So it is to me that either way I am not really escaping just choosing a certain set of cards to deal with.

Let me just say that I do not regret my decision to come and teach here. Although difficult and that I am now going through this dilemma I feel it is somehow all part of the adventure. And also a part of becoming an adult.

Tomorrow when I go to work, although scared and nervous, I am going to say "Hi, how are you today?" to the coworkers who I had a spat with. Whether they take it sincerely or not, it is at least my attempt to start anew with them. The slate has been wiped clean and so I should consider not making it all bad again. Just for the sake of my own growing as a person.

Still though do I stay or do I go?

Three, Two, One, Zero

Blogging here from the bedroom of BK. Today he had me fly on over to his neck of the woods for a roasted duck lunch with the family. It was very nice and I enjoyed seeing them again.

So anyways, just wanted to say I am feeling better and will return to work tomorrow at my usual schedule.

I really want to mention that although I have this battle going on at my school life here in Seoul, Korea is really not so bad. Sometimes I am still very pleased with what I see, smell and hear.

I am really somewhat saddened that things took this turn at my work and feel some regret that I am now considering changing jobs. You know you kind of grow fond of your first time memories. For example, my supervisors were the people who took care of me when I first arrived here so I will feel somewhat strange if I leave them. Yet in reality I really took care of myself and am doing the same thing now.

I just don't want to believe that I am a lousy teacher or bad worker. I just know that I walked into a teaching position with very little training on how to teach. You are given a few days to look and see how it is all done and then plunked into it. I think this goes for any teaching job here in Korea, well most of them. So I am saying that I chose this fate and should accept it right?

Ah well enough ramblin'

Week from Hell

*What you are about to read is an account of how things have gone rotten at my job. Understand that it is not entirely the school's fault nor is it entirely mine. These are the events that took place which highlight why I am in my current situation. Albeit very dramatic I am still here and still teaching. Thank you *

You know life is giving you all the wrong turns when everything bad that could happen starts to pile on top of each other.

So where do I begin?

This last week was the end of the intensive schedule. I have been so overworked that my mind and body were beginning to resent everything in front of me. I was stressed out and tired and was worrying about the littlest of things. And so within all this my emotions ran high and several events took place.

Here is the back story:

Two of my coworkers who I sit next to have been friendly to me. But after a few mistakes on my part things turned sour. One day I threw a teaching material onto their desk and they saw it and took it personally. Also on occasion I would respond to them coldly.

In general let me just say that I wanted to be their friends and work it out with them, but didn't know how. I wanted to understand their thinking and get to know them better.

But I was too tired and stressed to talk to them. I am not good with conflict and need to seriously work on this. But during the intensive week was not the time.

Wednesday:
My friend from the front desk returned from her trip to Canada. I like to talk with her at lunch time and so I talked with her about my feelings towards these two coworkers. Yea, I got out some thoughts to someone and got some feedback! I didn't do it in a catty way, just more of a venting way.

Wednesday night:
My supervisors and I had a meeting about my performance. They pretty much told me everything that I had been making mistakes on.

• Not being friendly to the coworkers (cold attitude)
  
• Forgetting to hand out the materials to students (extra papers for study, parent complaint)
• Not making the class fun enough for the little ones (parent complaint)

There may have been more but that sums it up. I know it is wrong to get angry and emotional when you are sitting in a room with your bosses. But that is exactly what happened to me.

Again let me tell you that the timing of the meeting was really awful. It was 20 minutes before my last class of the day, the 10th class. I had been at the school since 9am and it was 6:30pm.

I was tired, run down, emotionally unstable, worried and not at all confident in myself.

So I reacted with anger and spite! I told them everything that I was upset with about the school and about my coworkers.

To my surprise they listened and gave me a response that was genuinely professional and also caring.

But they did tell me that if I receive more complaints that are too serious then I can be given written notice. Meaning Fired, leaving me two months to find another job or leave the country.

I left Wednesday night more tired than ever before, mentally shattered and feeling very down trodden. Yet I had to go back the next day and teach yet another 10 classes, this time with more of the young rowdy children.

Thursday afternoon:
The day was moving along and I felt like a numb puppet going about the daily exercises of teaching. I figured just get through the week and think about all that has happened on Saturday when you can relax.

Yet as anyone who is familiar with gossip knows when it finally gets to the people who were being exposed it comes out very badly.

The two coworkers I talked about with my friend found out that I was talking about them behind their back.

While I was sitting in the teacher's room waiting to teach my next class I was confronted by both them and it was ugly. They were really angry (I don't blame them actually) and said things to me that were nasty.

Being in my state of numbness and pain from Wednesday night's experience with my supervisors I was not at all capable of dealing with this confrontation.

A professional normal person (I suppose) would have said "Ok, lets please take this to another room?"

A crazed Joy who was emotional unstable, insecure and stressed out did this instead: She ran off crying.

I tried to exit out the stairwell only to be stopped by my friend at the front desk. After talking with her and my teacher supervisor I was convinced not to leave.

I told my teacher supervisor that I wanted to quit, that I was now very uncomfortable here and feel I have screwed things up beyond repair. To my surprise she actually understood me and accepted that that is how I feel.

For the rest of the day I didn't go into the teacher's room and went home.

Friday afternoon (meeting with coworkers):
It was arranged that I would meet in a room with my supervisors and with the coworkers who were angry at me.

Let me just say I was scared. It went like all death matches go...some dueling and then a quick blow to the head and your out.

No..no.. we had some spats and then finally came to a resolution. This being that I need to change myself and my attitude. To be more professional at a job like this and not let me emotions carry me through the day. In other words don't be so cold and don't think that others know how you feel all the time.

I actually agree with them that I did screw up in those ways and need to change myself. Although there is a side of me that understands that I am innocent to some degree.

They also made the point that running away back to America or to another job here in Korea would be that I am not willing to change but rather just run away from problems. They said I need to change myself at this school and with everyone in it.

So here lies the final conundrum.

1. Do I stay or do I go?
2. Do I stay and change myself at this school?
3. Do I change companies while changing myself at a new school? Get a fresh start and do everything right with a new set of coworkers.
   

The answer is I don't know. In fact I don't really even know how to feel about being told that I need to change myself.

The realization is that so far I am not satisfied with my job, the hours and the work environment are all to unpleasant. Remember I work in a small school with only 8 coworkers, 3 of which are foreign teachers (not including myself).

For now I don't have to be hasty and make a switch just yet. I have time to look out there and see what is available.

The intensive period has finished and so I just want to bounce back to a regular schedule while at the same time explore my options.

Please note that I don't feel this reflects that working in Korea is a bad idea. It is just one that is challenging to me for so many reasons. I am not going to run away but rather seek to understand my weaknesses and strengths. Thank you