My mind is in a swirl and I am home cooking tofu stir-fry. But about an hour ago I learned about what it will be like being a team leader next term and the duties that are going to come my way. The school basically wants to overhaul the English Department. Make it more standardized, meaning tests and homework should have a set grading system. It all makes sense, with it showing that we should be more unified and organized. The main goal is to boost the English Department's reputation. For years now, as it has been observed, the attitude was "Here you go, you can figure it out." A very easy going attitude that showed the Korean teachers we were likely lazy and can't be motivated.
But it has me wanting to run for the hills. I knew I was going to be a team leader but now it is just about 3 weeks away! It's becoming a reality. I mostly feel insecure and that I will be a failure at communicating well with the K-teachers and also won't meet whatever standards my English teachers have. I will have to juggle two departments and be the intermediary. It looks like a big leadership position and I don't know if I'm ready. I'm in denial already and need to skip to the acceptance stage.
Thankfully, we had the meeting and it outlined what to prepare for and ways to get everyone ready that first day. But first impressions are important and I will be jet lagged and tired that first day back. I am mostly thinking to just be, "nice" and "sweet." Don't let the stress of it all show and go with the flow.
I'm going to slowly look back at the handout I received with all the information on it over the next few days. And over my time in America spend some time familiarizing it at a pace comfortable. Right now I just need to accept this is going to happen, and see it is an opportunity.