You might be thinking that having a long vacation is a dream come true. The reality is that it is a dream come true but also one with a lot of unplanned time in it. Since I have been back I have taken care of JH's vacation arrangements for the holidays, sorted out some bills and started a few projects.
My folks went away for a few days and so I have had the house to myself. This is great as I don't feel guilty and selfish for sleeping in, but it also means I haven't had a conversation with anyone in a while.
Today I meandered around the house trying to wake up out of my daze, and thought about doing some art. But as I went through my sketchbook nothing inspirational came to me. Then I set about digging through my boxes in search of my stash of old photographs. Instead of finding what I was looking for I found old photos from my early college years. This was a time when I was exploring the world, but it was also the time I had my Chinese boyfriend. (That is what I have dubbed him over time.) At first I was happy to know I still had all of those pictures, but then after looking through them I felt sick inside. That relationship ended badly and there still remain so many questions, plus it reminded me of when I became seriously ill.
I had taken the photos up to my bedroom, but soon realized I didn't want them out. So immediately went back down to the dark garage and stuffed them in a box. I guess some things are better left buried.
Thankfully, I managed to find several collections of my childhood photos. I hope to scan them into my computer so to have a digital archive.
Eventually, today I did get around to doing some art. I figured why not start with sketching and see where that goes.
For me the whole thing is that I have a life in Korea that I have built up. It is all structured around wanting to live there and not really making a plan for myself back here in America. My vacation has made me put my "Korean life" on pause and figure out what to do with myself in a place where I have little friends. However, I know I need to make use of my time and that is why I am indulging in my art, but also I plan to go out and explore local events and places. I am really grateful, actually, because the weather here is so much warmer than in Korea making walking around a whole lot easier. :)